


A Million Reasons

by freakingwriter2013 (orphan_account)



Series: When We Were Young [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Arguing, Edging, Emotions, Established Relationship, Fighting, First Time Bottoming, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Polyamory, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Smut, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-16 05:44:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10564812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/freakingwriter2013
Summary: Lafayette's grandmother dies, and he has to go to Paris to tend to her arrangements. But Alex doesn't go with him.Or, how Alex wins Laf backIn@one_golden_sun'sPoly Gay Trio Modern AU





	1. I Try To Make The Worst Seem Better

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much to [@one_golden_sun](http://archiveofourown.org/users/one_golden_sun/pseuds/one_golden_sun), [@coffeequill](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeQuill/pseuds/CoffeeQuill), and [@story_of_tonight](http://archiveofourown.org/users/story_of_tonight/pseuds/story_of_tonight) for being super awesome and helping me out the entire time!

Laf entered their apartment with a flourish. He had had a great day at the boutique he was working at for the summer. He strutted to the desk Alex was seated at and planted a kiss on the top of his head. He leaned over and rested his head on Alex’s shoulder, and Alex nuzzled into him. “How is the work going, mon chou?” he asked, looking onto the screen with Alex.

“It’s fine,” Alex hummed. He wasn’t totally satisfied with what he was working on, but he would get his groove back at some point. Alex had begrudgingly agreed to allow Laf to be the breadwinner for the summer, allowing Alex to work full time on a bunch of articles that were quickly becoming a manifesto of sorts.

“I am sure it will be lovely,” Laf encouraged. Alex leaned to the side and pecked a kiss on Laf’s cheek.

“Thanks, babe,” he murmured, turning back towards the screen.

Laf interrupted him once again, though. “Mon chou, please do not forget that we have a dinner reservation we must leave for at 5:00pm.”

“I won’t. What time is it?” he asked, continuing to type throughout the conversation. “3:15pm,” Laf answered, looking at his watch. Alex made a quick calculation in his head. He finished the sentence he was on and saved it, shutting the laptop after he was done.

Laf looked surprised but Alex flipped around on the chair, facing Laf. “I figure, that we have just enough time to share a shower?” he suggested. He knew they would fuck by the end of the night since it was actually date night, but starting early wouldn’t be the worst thing.

“I like the way you think,” Laf agreed, pulling him out of his chair. They stumbled into the bathroom, quickly divesting themselves of their clothes. They stepped over the abundance of remodelling equipment in their bathroom. The contractor had just finished breaking out the wall to a coat closet and doubling the size of their ensuite shower. Alex thought it was ridiculous, but apparently Laf thought heated floors and a large shower were a necessity.

Laf fiddled with the shower knobs, getting the perfect temperature and steam while Alex ran back to the bedroom to find a bottle of lube. Alex came back, and Laf held the shower door open for him. Alex stepped into the shower next to Laf, groaning in satisfaction at the water pressure.

“See? Do you not think it was worth it mon chou?” Laf smirked.

“I still don't think we had to rip out the entire shower,” Alex grumbled. They had this conversation way too many times.

“Well if you do not like the shower, then perhaps I should not touch you in it. It would be a shame for me to fuck you in a place you clearly don't appreciate,” Laf teased.

Alex scoffed at Laf’s brazenness. He was already flushed hard, excited to get fucked in the shower. Since their large bathroom was under renovation, shower sex had been off the table. “You wouldn't dare.”

“You are correct. You simply look too delectable for me to ignore.” Laf pulled Alex close to him under the spray, grabbing his cheeks and squeezing. Alex thrust his hips into Laf’s, rubbing their cocks together, grinning because he was getting his way. He groaned in satisfaction as Laf pushed him into the wall, dropping to his knees in front of him.

“God, Laf, are you trying to kill me before dinner?” Alex groaned.

“That could be up for debate,” Laf smirked. He stroked Alex to full hardness before beginning to leave wet kisses up and down Alex’s length. Teasing. Maddening. It was almost unfair. 

Alex gritted his teeth. “Laf, c’mon,” he urged.

Surprisingly, Laf obliged. He wrapped his lips around the head of Alex’s cock and sucked, flicking his tongue around the slit. Alex groaned at Laf’s ministrations and tried to buck further into his mouth, but Laf pushed his hips back into the wall of the shower, pinning him there. Laf kept his mouth concentrated on the head of Alex’s cock until he was whimpering in need. He sunk down to the base of Alex’s cock, laving his tongue on the vein running on the underside of Alex’s cock. Alex’s breath hitched, the clear sign Laf knew signified that Alex was close. He pulled back and Alex whined pitifully.

“Laf, what the fuck?”

Laf smirked up at him. “I will let you come if you say the renovation was worth it.”

Alex wanted to come, but he was stubborn. “It really wasn't a game-changer for me,” he retorted. He crossed his arms. He wasn't budging.

Laf grew impatient at Alex’s silence. He tapped Alex’s hip and motioned for him to turn around. Alex rotated and leaned into the wall, putting his hands up on the wall and thrusting his hips out, leaving himself open and available for Laf. He was expecting Laf to begin prepping him, but he instead felt Laf’s hand grab his cheeks and pull them apart, followed by the unmistakable sensation of Laf’s tongue on his rim.

“Fuck,” Alex groaned.

Laf swirled his tongue, thrusting gently against Alex’s hole until his tongue slipped past the tight rim. Alex tried to squirm away from his grasp, but Laf pulled Alex’s hips back and resumed his oral assault on Alex’s ass.

Alex gasped when Laf pressed a finger in beside his tongue, beginning to fuck a single digit in and out.

“C’mon Laf, more,” Alex urged, and Laf slid in a second finger beside his tongue. “Fuck,” Alex groaned, grinding back on Laf’s face and fingers. Laf hooked his fingers into Alex’s prostate and began to press on it insistently. Alex went weak in the knees, leaning further into the wall. “Fuck, I’m gonna come,” he warned, but Laf pulled his fingers and mouth away from his ass. He cried out, “What the fuck, Laf? I’m so close!” He bucked his hips back and forth on the frictionless air.

“Admit the shower renovation was worth it,” Laf teased.

“Laf, I had to shower at the gym for a month. Not worth it.”

“Fine,” Laf jeered. “I guess I will just have to convince you otherwise.”

He stood up and leaned over Alex, lining his cock up with his hole.

“Fuck yes,” Alex grit.

Laf slid in in a single stroke and Alex _howled_ , his oversensitive walls clamping down around Laf’s cock.

“You are going to startle the neighbors,” Laf teased.

Alex lost all sense of decorum. “I don't give a fuck, French Fry, just let me come, you asshole.”

Laf pulled out at a tantalizingly slow pace, and then slammed back in. “Mon chou, do you really think griping at me is how you will get your way?” He cut off Alex’s retort with a well-timed thrust to his prostate.

“Why do you always use that against me?” Alex panted.

“What? You do not wish for me to hit your prostate?” Laf teased, continuing his thrusts, aiming anywhere except Alex’s prostate. Alex slumped further into the wall, curling in on himself.

“No,” he exclaimed weakly. “I just want to come, and you’re being an ass about it.” He brought his hand down to stroke his cock, but Laf was quick to grab his hand and press it up against the wall, ensuring the only thing Alex could rut against was the cold tile. He went completely still, and Alex whimpered.

“Just admit the shower was worth it,” Laf goaded. He wrapped both of Alex’s wrist in one of his hands, holding them up against the wall, and he brought his other hand down and wrapped it around Alex’s cock, holding it tightly past the point of pleasure, grasping it hard enough to stave off any chance of orgasm.

“I think the shower was fine the way it was before,” Alex grumbled.

“You have to admit this is fun though--” Laf started, before Alex interrupted.

“You’re right! It was fun, until you started edging me like some sort of sadistic maniac,” Alex bit. Laf chuckled, and Alex whined at the jostle it caused, still impaled on Laf’s cock.

“Babe, we could barely have sex in the other shower. Is this not nice?” Laf bantered.

Alex couldn’t take it. Being speared against the wall by Laf’s cock. His hands pressed against the shower. The stark difference between the heat of Laf’s body and the cool tile. Laf’s tight hand, bordering on painful, wrapped around his cock. “Fuck, fuck,” Alex hissed. “Fine, the shower was worth it, just make me come, please, I’m begging you.”

With that, Laf resumed his thrusts and loosened his grip on Alex’s cock, beginning to carefully stroke it, bordering almost on tenderness and reverence.

“That is what I wanted to hear,” he simpered, and Alex tossed his head back against his shoulder, turning aimlessly to try and capture Laf’s lips. Laf released Alex’s hands and put ran it through Alex’s hair, pulling his hair so their lips to meet. 

“Come,” Laf commanded against Alex’s lips.

With that single word, Alex came, splattering across the shower wall. Laf followed shortly behind, coming into Alex’s clenching hole.

Laf pulled out and gave Alex some space, grabbing shampoo and conditioner while Alex leaned up against the wall to catch his breath.

“Jesus fuck,” he murmured.

Laf turned around, worried. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m great,” Alex replied. “That was just really intense.”

Laf smirked back at him. “So, do you like the shower?”

“Well, I definitely have a higher opinion of it now that I have a good idea of the full range of activities involved,” Alex joked.

“I am very glad. Here,” Laf said, handing Alex a bottle of shampoo. “We need to hurry so we can get to our dinner reservation on time.”

***

Laf felt his phone buzzing. He clicked it off and stuck it back in his pocket. He and Alex were on a date and it could wait for later.

_Buzz, buzz, buzz._

“Laf, you can get that if you need to.”

“It is nothing, do not worry about it,” Laf replied eagerly. He grabbed a roll from the center of the table and stuffed it in his mouth. “It is fine!” he exclaimed, mouth full of bread.

Alex looked at him pointedly as the phone started buzzing again. “Answer your phone, and then come back.”

“Fine,” Laf sighed. He got up from the table and walked out of the restaurant. He looked down at his screen.

_9 missed calls from Pierre_

“Fuck,” Laf muttered. Pierre was a close family friend who had become a father figure in the time after Laf’s parents’ deaths. He would only be calling if there was an emergency. Before he could call back, his phone started buzzing again, and he swiped to answer it. He switched over to French. _“Hello, Pierre, what is it?”_ he asked, considerably worried.

_“Laf,”_ Pierre choked. He couldn’t seem to form words.

_“Pierre!”_ Laf exclaimed.

Pierre caught his breath. _“I am afraid it is bad news.”_

Panic flashed through Laf’s brain. _“Pierre! What is it?”_

_“I am afraid your grandmother has passed away.”_

Laf could feel the ice running down his spine. Any happiness he had gained from being at dinner with Alex was immediately placed with dread. _“Thank you for letting me know. I will begin the arrangements.”_ He hung up on Pierre before he could offer condolences or get any more information.

He felt tears prick his eyes but he held back. Years of being almost French royalty had taught him everything he needed to know about public decorum. He made his way back to the table he shared with Alex in a military-like fashion with an efficient gait and stone face. He approached the table and looked down at Alex, emotionless, cold. “We need to go.”

“What? Why?” Alex asked, looking up at Laf confused. 

“I should tell you later,” Laf told him, giving nothing away.

Alex bristiled. He knew something was wrong, but he couldn't place his finger on it. “Yeah, of course.” He tossed the cloth napkin on the table and stood up. He pulled out his wallet to toss a few bills on the table, but Laf beat him to it, throwing at least $100 in cash on the table even though they had only ordered drinks. “Laf, that’s way too-”

Laf interrupted him before he could finish. “--I do not care. We need to go.”

Alex tugged on his blazer and followed Laf out of the restaurant. Laf’s behavior confused him. In their year and a half of dating, he had never seen Laf like this. As they walked out of the restaurant, Alex had to jog to keep up with Laf’s large, purposeful steps. Alex grabbed onto Laf’s hand, hoping to slow him down, but Laf just pulled him through his whirlwind, keeping his steady walk through the New York night.

Alex planted his feet and yanked. “Laf. What the hell is going on?”

Laf’s arm jerked as he continued his pace before Newton’s Third Law swung him back towards Alex. He turned around to face Alex, and the look on his face broke Alex’s heart. Alex couldn't fathom what would make Laf so distraught. “Please do not make me cry right here on this sidewalk,” Laf whispered. He begged Alex silently with his gaze, hoping Alex could curb his impatience until they got back to their apartment.

Alex stepped off of the curb into traffic and hailed the nearest cab he could see. A cab pulled over and Alex yanked the door open. “Get in,” he told Laf, and he climbed in after Laf. He told the driver their address in the Upper West Side before shutting the partition and turning towards Laf. He leaned into Laf’s body and wrapped both of his smaller hands around one of Laf’s larger ones. He squeezed Laf’s hand, trying to ground him, and Laf squeezed back. “I love you,” he told Laf. “Whatever this is, we’ll deal with it.”

“I love you too,” Laf murmured. He pursed his lips and stared out of the window, knowing that if he looked at Alex he would break down and cry right there in the cab. 

Alex soothingly rubbed Laf’s hand with his thumb as they made their way up Eighth Avenue. He wracked his brain trying to think of what could possibly have happened. Laf tossed a ridiculous number of bills at the taxi driver and pulled Alex out of the cab when they got to their apartment. They silently made their way up the stairs to their apartment. Laf unlocked the door and they both walked through. 

“So what has you--” Alex didn't get to finish his sentence because Laf pushed him up against the door and captured his lips in a searing kiss. Alex refused to melt into Laf’s tight embrace. He pulled back as much as Laf would let him. “Laf, are you okay?” he asked, in a short tone.

“What? This is what you wanted is it not? This is how we end date night. I am fine, I can do this,” he bit, going back in for a kiss. Alex was quicker and dodged his attack.

“You've said like twenty words to me since we left the restaurant where we didn't even finish a meal. You are not fine.”

“I am fine, mon chou, I promise.”

“Laf, you are not fine. What the hell is going on?”

Laf pulled back away from Alex and stood up, returning to the stoney coldness that carried him from the restaurant to the cab. “My grandmother has passed, so I will need to go to France to tend to her arrangements.”

Alex could feel his heart throb for Laf. He knew how much Laf’s grandmother meant to him. She was the last piece of his parents he had. “Laf, you're not fine,” Alex murmured quietly.

“I am fine. I shall go to Paris to arrange her funeral and divide the estate. I will be gone for a week maximum.”

Alex could see the years of being French royalty in Laf’s reaction. This stone exterior wasn't something he had ever seen on Laf. “Laf, that isn't important. We can figure that out in the morning. Please let me in, I want to know what's going on in your head.”

“It does not matter what is going on in my head. Arrangements need to be made,” Laf insisted. He started towards his laptop where it was sitting on their rickety table in the kitchen. Alex pulled Laf back before he could sit in the chair.

“No. There's nothing we can do about that tonight. We will figure it all out in the morning. I refuse to let you block all of this out. Come here.” Laf followed him over to the couch. Alex laid down on his back and pulled Laf on top of him. They kicked off their shoes at the end of the sofa, and Laf settled into Alex’s embrace. Alex wrapped his arms around Laf’s torso, winding one of his hands through his hair and settling the other on Laf’s waist. Laf settled his head in the crook of Alex’s neck and breathed in the comforting scent of Alex’s cologne.

“It's okay if you're not okay,” Alex murmured, running his fingers over Laf’s hair.

“I have to be okay,” Laf muttered into Alex’s neck.

Alex sighed. “Not around me you don't. You never have to be okay when you're with me.”

With that, Laf fell apart. He cried into Alex’s neck, sobs and gasps for breath wracking his entire body. Alex knew what it was like, losing the last person that connected him to his family, being the last one left. He knew there was nothing he could say that would make it better, so he just quietly murmured, “I’m so sorry, I love you, I'm so sorry, I love you,” repeating it over and over as Laf shook in his arms. He was going to have to get both of their blazers dry cleaned from the amount of tears and snot Laf was producing, but as stingy as he was, he couldn't bring himself to care.

***


	2. If You Say Something That You Might Even Mean

They woke up on the couch the next morning with stiff necks and wrinkled clothes. The only thing they had done was taken off blazers and ties, refusing to be away from each other for too long. Laf untangled himself from Alex and stood up. He rolled his shoulders and neck, attempting to roll out the knots that sleeping on a couch had left. “I will go book our tickets,” Laf mumbled, walking over to his laptop, which was still sitting on the kitchen table.

“Laf, I can’t go to Paris with you.”

Laf just looked at him blankly. “What?”

Alex stuttered, “I, uh, I can’t go to Paris with you.”

Almost like a magical transformation, Alex could see the stone exterior he had broken through the night before rebuild itself over Laf’s features. “Why is that?” Laf asked coldly.

“You know I can’t afford it.”

“That is not a problem,” Laf answered shortly. “I can purchase the tickets. Do not worry about it.”

“Laf, I’m obviously going to worry about it. You’re already housing me for the summer, free of charge. You buy most of our food and pay for our dates. I can’t ask you to pay for a plane ticket either.” Alex shrunk into himself on the couch under Laf’s steely gaze.

“You do not have to ask. I will book the tickets, and you will come with me. If it makes you feel better, you can pay me back after your job resumes in the fall.”

Alex bristled at Laf’s command. “I am not going with you.”

Laf slammed his hand down on the table. “Why the hell not? Your only problem is money, and I am telling you that it is not a problem.”

“It is a problem! You just refuse to see it!” Alex exclaimed.

“You are turning something into an argument that is not an argument. It is my family, it is my problem, I am fixing the problem.”

“You’re not fixing the problem, you’re just throwing money at the problem. I am not a problem you can just throw money at to shut up,” Alex hissed.

“Well you didn’t seem to have a problem with me throwing money at you this summer,” Laf snarled.

They both flinched. They knew they had both gone too far. Alex leaned over and put on his shoes from the end of the couch and grabbed his wallet and keys. “I’m going to go take a walk. Let me know when you’ll leave for your flight, and I’ll come see you off.”

“Fine,” Laf muttered, glancing away.

Alex walked out of the apartment, only barely resisting the urge to slam the door behind him.

***

Alex wandered aimlessly around Central Park, not caring enough to be bothered by the searing heat bouncing off the blacktop. He felt his phone vibrate and pulled it out of his pocket. He looked down at it, showing a text from Laf.

_Laf: I booked my flight. I will be leaving for the airport in an hour._

Alex unlocked his phone to text him back. _What it must be like to be rich,_ Alex thought, mind blown at the idea of being able to book a transatlantic flight mere hours in advance and not worry a single bit about the cost.

_To Laf: I’ll head back to the apartment._

Alex turned around in the park, heading back towards their apartment. He felt a sinking feeling in his gut as he trudged up the stairs, using his key to unlock the door. He walked into their shared bedroom and found Laf in the closet with an open suitcase on the bed. He sat down next to the suitcase. Laf walked out of the closet carrying some underwear and socks and began to stuff them into the suitcase. He avoided Alex’s guarded gaze.

“I really wish you would come with me.” He heard Alex sigh. “I understand that this is a point of pride for you, but I want you there with me, to be there for me.”

“I know,” Alex exhaled. He didn’t know what else to say.

“I do not blame you for how you feel. You just have to know that for me, it feels like you are picking your pride over me right now.”

Alex sighed, “I know. I’m sorry.”

Laf began to zip up his suitcase, still avoiding Alex’s gaze. “I know you are. I just cannot forgive you right now.” He set the suitcase on the ground and leaned over to pull on his shoes. “I need to go.”

Alex stood up next to him. “Please text me when you land, to let me know you got there safe?”

“Of course,” Laf replied.

“I love you,” Alex told him, pecking him on the cheek.

“I love you too,” Laf replied, giving him a full kiss on the lips. He pulled back, and Alex could see the despair in his eyes. “Come with me?” he asked, giving a last ditch effort.

Alex dodged the question, choosing simply to repeat his request. “Text me when you get there. I want to know that you’re safe.”

“Okay,” Laf agreed. He rolled his suitcase out of the apartment, leaving Alex alone in their bedroom.

Alex moped around the entire day, waiting for Laf to text him that he had arrived safely. Around 11pm, he was in the kitchen heating up some leftovers when his phone buzzed. He dashed across the kitchen to look at the notification.

_Laf: Landed._

He sighed in relief and typed his response.

_To Laf: Thanks for letting me know. Let me know how your family is doing. Keep me updated?_

_Laf: K._

_To Laf: I love you_

_Laf: You too._

Alex sighed. This was not how he wanted it to go.

***

Alex looked ragged and tired. His hair was falling out of its bun, and it had that third-day-sans-shower look. He seemed frazzled, and he had dark circles under his eyes. Herc knew something was wrong, but he couldn’t place it. Alex should’ve been refreshed and relaxed. He didn’t have summer rent to worry about. He could spend all of his time writing instead of having to split his time between different jobs. They were at a cafe on the Upper West Side, catching up with each other since Herc’s vacation to Ireland, and Herc was determined to figure out what had Alex looking so frantic.

“So where’s Laf?” Herc asked. 

“Oh he’s in France,” Alex replied nonchalantly.

“And you're not with him?” Herc asked, looking puzzled. Laf and Alex had been attached at the hip since they were public. As he had gotten to know Laf, Herc realized that Laf was quite over-the-top, so he didn’t seem like the type to go gallivant around Europe and leave Alex alone in New York.

Alex dodged Herc’s intense gaze. “He had some family stuff.”

“Oh shit, what family stuff?” Herc replied, leaning forward and looking concerned.

“His grandmother died.”

Herc looked at him incredulously. “And you didn't go with him?”

“Herc, you know I can't afford that,” Alex sighed.

“You're really lucky I'm not Angelica, otherwise your ass would be in a garbage bag in the bottom of the Hudson by now.” Alex looked beaten down and tired, and Herc softened his tone. “Listen, I know it feels like you're freeriding or treating Laf like a sugar daddy, but you're not. You can't help that he's loaded and you're not, and that's just the situation you two were born into. He loves you, so much, it honestly sickens the rest of us sometimes. And whether you can afford it or not, he can, and he shouldn't have to face this alone, not when he's got you.”

“We got in a fight about it,” Alex admitted. “We both said some pretty bad stuff. I yelled at him for covering up problems with money. He threw the summer thing back in my face.”

“Ouch,” Herc muttered. “Regardless, if you don’t step up for something like this, it’s going to chip away at your relationship until everything crumbles. You can’t not show up, even if it’s your pride.”

Alex scowled at him. He hated being told he was wrong. “But--”

Herc interrupted him. “There is no but. You're either in it or you're not, and he needs to know that.”

“Fuck,” Alex hissed. He tossed a five onto the table to cover his coffee. “I really hate to ditch, but…” he trained off.

“Don't worry about it,” Herc insisted.

“I don't need a visa for France, right?”

“No, you dumbass, just get a plane ticket.”

“Right, thanks Herc.” Alex walked out of the cafe and towards the apartment.

***

Alex was able to muster up enough money from his freelancing to purchase a last-minute ticket to France, so by that evening he was on a red-eye to Paris.

When he landed in France the next morning he was exhausted. He hadn’t been able to sleep on the flight due to his nerves. He walked off the plane, a single carry-on in hand, and he walked over to ground transportation to find a cab. As he was walking to the cab, he realized he didn’t have a clue what Laf’s address was, so he pulled out his phone and called Laf, cringing at how expensive the call would be with international roaming.

He dialed Laf’s number, holding his phone up to his ear. His phone only rang twice before he was sent to voicemail. He growled and tried again. Like the time before, he was sent straight to voicemail after a couple of rings. He knew Laf was ignoring him.

“Fuck,” he hissed. He looked down at his phone and dialed Herc, crying inside at how much it would cost. Herc rang through to voicemail, so Alex then dialed Angelica. She picked up after the second ring.

“Alexander Hamilton, I swear to god you better have an excellent reason to be calling me at this hour,” she shouted into the phone. He jolted back at the noise, pulling the phone away from his ear. He should’ve thought about the time difference.

“Listen, I need your help,” Alex said, ignoring her statement.

“The bar on 14th Street? I’ll be there in fifteen. How much did you drink?”

“No, I’m in Paris, listen--”

She interrupted him. “In Paris? What the hell are you doing in Paris?”

“Would you just let me finish?” Alex asked, rolling his eyes at her stubbornness.

“Fine,” Angelica huffed.

“I need you to log into my Netflix and look at the billing address?”

Angelica deadpanned, “Really. That’s what you need right now? What the fuck do you need a billing address for?”

“I might’ve fucked up.”

“No kidding,” she retorted.

“Yeah, that’s not important. I need to find Laf, and he won’t answer the phone, and his billing address is on our account.”

“Why won’t Laf answered the phone?”

“I stuck my foot in my mouth? Alright? Will you help me?”

“Fine,” Angelica scoffed. “I have my laptop open, what’s your info?”

“The username is _alex.ham@columbia.edu_.”

“Aight.”

“You’re not allowed to laugh at the password.”

“I will one hundred percent be laughing at the password.”

Alex rolled his eyes. “It’s _hamloveslaf2007_ , no caps.” Angelica snorted. “Don't laugh at me,” Alex whined.

“You woke me up at two in the morning for an address because you had to chase your boyfriend to Paris. I will laugh at you all I want.”

Alex ignored her chiding and continued to talk. “The billing address, Angelica,” Alex reminded her, growing impatient.

“Right,” Angelica responded. She navigated through the panels on Netflix’s website, eventually finding the user information page. She scrolled to the bottom and rattled off the address to Laf’s estate outside of Paris. “I think that’s the one?” she questioned.

“Yeah, that should be right, thank you, Angie,” Alex said. He didn’t want to get off the phone and have to face Laf. He rambled on about his flight instead of letting Angelica go back to sleep.

“Alex,” Angelica interrupted after a few minutes of rambling.

“Yes?” he asked weakly.

“Go get your man.”

Alex let the first seed of doubt seep in. “What if he doesn’t want me?”

“You have to try,” Angelica encouraged. “Now go get him, and let me go to sleep.”

“Okay,” Alex sighed. “Thank you for your help, sleep well.”

“Goodnight, and good luck,” Angelica told him. “Also, you owe me the full story when you get back.”

“Of course,” Alex replied. “Goodnight.” He hung up the phone and began to make his way out of the airport, going through customs before making it through ground transportation. Knowing he would have to take a cab to Laf’s estate, he exchanged some of his cash for Euros. He gave the taxi driver Laf’s address and sat back, trying to gather his thoughts before he showed up at Laf’s door.

Alex gawked as the taxi pulled up to a stately villa. A grumpy-looking woman leaned out of the small building by the gate. _“Who are you?”_ she asked in French.

Alex responded, switching back to his native tongue. _“I am Monsieur de Lafayette’s boyfriend._ ”

The guard seemed surprisingly okay with that and opened the gate without another word. He paid the cab driver and then walked up to Laf’s door. He took a deep breath before swinging the heavy knocker, in the shape of a lion’s head, against the old wooden door.

Alex sucked in a breath as the door swung open moments later. He looked up, expecting a sad Lafayette. However, the door swung open, revealing a beautiful young woman instead.

His practiced apology fled his mind and was only replaced with dread in the pit of his stomach. _Had Laf replaced him that quickly?_

Before Alex could come up with a plausible explanation of who this woman was, why she was in Laf’s house, why Laf hadn’t answered the door himself, the woman spoke. 

“What are you doing here?” the woman asked, looking at him scornfully. 

_I should’ve cleaned up at the airport,_ he thought. “Um, I am his boyfriend,” Alex replied.

“I have not heard of you,” she replied, her short temper clear in her facial expressions and clipped speech.

Alex let all of the worst case scenarios flood through his mind. She could be a random hook-up, or a hooker for that matter. She could been Laf’s secret girlfriend, and he could just be a result of Laf experimenting in college. She had a ring on her finger. _Fuck, they could be married,_ he thought.

Alex’s breath hitched when he heard Laf’s voice from deep inside the house. _“Adrienne, who is it?”_ Laf’s usually melodic voice sounded dull and lifeless.

_“Some short little man says he is your boyfriend? Dark circles, mangy hair, kind of smells?”_ she answered, switching into French to answer Laf and ignoring Alex standing right in front of her.

_“I speak French too,”_ Alex snapped, ready to argue if it weren’t for Laf’s presence. 

Laf approached the door, appearing in an obnoxious silk bathrobe and matted hair, looking far worse than Alex even though Alex had just arrived from a seven-hour flight. _“You can go now,”_ he told Adrienne. She huffed and walked back inside. He turned to Alex, looking at him and expecting an answer to his unasked question. What could Alex possibly be doing there.

“Hi,” Alex said sheepishly, giving a slightly ridiculous wave.

“Hi,” Laf responded curtly, waiting for Alex to make the next move.

“Um, hi,” Alex said again, not really knowing what to say.

“You said that already,” Laf deadpanned. He looked exhausted. He had bags under his eyes and his usually immaculate hair was springing out of his ponytail.

Alex tried to cover his tracks. “I know. I just don’t know what else to say.”

“Why are you here?”

“For you,” Alex answered truthfully.

Laf gave a dispassionate huff. “I offered that three days ago, and you said no. You picked your pride over me, and then I had to come here and deal with this alone.”

“I know, but I was wrong, and I realize that, and I want to be here for you.”

Alex looked desperate, and Laf could see it, but his mind was moving a million miles a minute, running right over whatever Alex was saying, the momentum of his thoughts barreling out of his mouth and crashing into the space between them. Alex’s words were blurred in his mind, but that didn’t matter. “You want to be here for me,” Laf stated. Alex flinched, but he continued, “You want to be here for me? I have been here for three days, wracking my mind as to why you did not come with me, why you picked staying in New York over being with me, and you show up here saying you want to be here for me. You stayed in New York, and I thought you did not want to deal with me. I thought you were only using me for sex, and that my feelings did not matter as much as getting your dick wet. I have felt lifeless for days, and you made me feel like that. Not my grandmother dying, not being in Paris without you, _you_. You and your lies,” Laf hissed.

“I’m not lying,” Alex swore. “I promise I’m not lying, and that I’m only here for you, because I love you.”

“You mean you did not fly all the way to Paris just to get off?” he asked.

“No, I promise you I didn’t. I’m only here for you.”

Laf sighed. He didn’t have the energy to fight with Alex. “Prove it,” he ordered. He swung the door open, allowing Alex to come inside.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, @writerfreak2013


	3. You're Giving Me A Million Reasons To Let You Go

Alex gawked as Laf showed him around the house. He knew Laf was loaded, but damn it was a nice house. Laf opened a door and allowed Alex inside. Alex looked at the plain walls and tasteful bedding.

“This is your room?” he asked, surprised at its lack of ornateness.

“No,” Laf answered tersely. “This is a guest room. You will be staying here.”

“Laf--”

“No. You do not get to share my bed right now,” Laf butted in.

“But Laf--”

“No. I said you have to prove it to me, and until you do, you will be sleeping here.”

“What do I have to do?” Alex hated having to ask for help. He should’ve known what Laf needed from him, but he was drawing a blank.

“I do not know, but until I am ready, we will not be sharing a bed.” Before Alex could ask him more questions, Laf began to walk around the room, pointing out different things Alex might need while he was there. “Feel free to use the dresser. There are towels in the bottom drawer, and the bathroom is the door on the right. You can use any of the soaps and shampoos in there…” Laf trailed on, but Alex didn’t hear any of it. His mind was racing trying to figure out what Laf needed.

“Marry me,” Alex blurted, and Laf’s sentence stopped in its wake.

“What?”

“Marry me,” Alex said, feigning confidence.

“Are you kidding me? Have you lost your mind?” Laf asked incredulously.

“No?” Alex replied uncertainly.

“Alexander. We are not even sleeping in the same bed, and you are proposing marriage.”

“Well whose fault is that?” Alex challenged.

Laf scoffed, “Well I would argue it is still yours. Why should we even get married right now? We are not even finished with school!”

“Well we've already established we have the money. You've thrown that in my face enough times,” Alex sulked.

Laf sighed, “We are not having this conversation again right now. Let us just get through this week, and we will talk about marriage later.”

“Is that a no?” Alex asked weakly.

“It is a ‘not right now,’” Laf answered. “Is there anything else you need for your stay?”

“Not right now. Thank you.”

Laf looked at him. “You should shower. I will be downstairs.”

“I will. I love you,” Alex told him. Laf turned to leave but Alex lunged forward and grabbed his hand. “Laf, I love you,” he said steelier.

Laf leaned forward and kissed Alex’s forehead. “You too.”

“Can you say the whole thing?” Alex pled, looking into Laf’s brown eyes. There was only a flicker where a roaring flame usually was.

“Not right now,” he said quietly.

“I'll be here when you can,” Alex promised.

“Okay.” Laf pulled out of his grip and left the room.

Alex groaned. _What the hell had he done?_

***

Alex walked downstairs to the kitchen, towelling off his wet hair as he walked. He felt much more refreshed after the shower. He approached the kitchen to find Laf, but he was surprised to only see Adrienne sneering at him. 

“Where is Laf?” Alex asked, but Adrienne did not respond. He self-consciously explored the cabinets, attempting to find a glass to fill with water, trying to ignore Adrienne’s intense gaze. A few huffs and bitter mumbling later, growing frustrated at being unable to find glasses, Alex snapped. “Do you have a problem?”

“I did not have one until you arrived,” she replied, looking down at her nails. The epitome of apathy.

“You just met me, how could you possibly have an opinion of me?” Alex retorted. _Judgemental rich assholes,_ Alex thought, assuming Adrienne was judging his appearance.

“Lafayette has spent three days roaming around talking about how he was unloveable and how no one wanted him except for his looks, and then you show up here saying you are his boyfriend, and I have never even heard of you? I do not buy it. Laf is the most joyful, kind-hearted person I know, and I have no other suspect than you to think has dampened his spirit.”

“Why the hell would he think he’s unlovable?”

“Because he gave you everything and you still picked yourself over him.”

“Ouch,” Alex muttered.

“Yeah, ouch,” Adrienne agreed.

Alex shrugged helplessly. “What do I do?” 

“Listen, I cannot see inside your relationship, and you have to figure this out on your own. For Laf’s sake, I hope you do. And if it helps, he is glad you are here. He might not say it, but he is.”

“He does not seem happy that I’m here,” Alex mumbled.

“He has a lot going on,” she sighed. “But all you have to do right now is show up.”

“Okay,” Alex nodded, gaining courage. “I'm gonna go talk to him.”

Adrienne stopped him in his tracks. “No, you are not.”

“Why?”

“He ran, and you showed up here unannounced and uninvited. After three days of wallowing, he is realizing that you like him for more than his dick, so let him decompress a bit and then come to you. Otherwise you will scare him off.”

“But how does he know that if I don't tell him?”

“Trust me, he knows. Just give him time.”

“Fine,” Alex sighed, hating that he had to be patient. He pulled out a barstool and sat across the island from Adrienne. “Um, you never did tell me how you know Laf,” Alex remarked.

Before she could answer, they both flinched at the sound of Laf shouting in French.

_“What the hell do you mean I have to decide what to do with her body?”_ he snarled into his phone. The voice from the phone responded in an annoyingly calm manner. _“What kind of lawyer are you? You let her write a will dividing her estate but did not even care to include a directive for her remains?”_

Adrienne and Alex gulped. That couldn’t be good.

Laf hissed at whatever the lawyer’s response was. _“I am going to think about it. I will call you back later.”_ He hung up despite the lawyer still talking into the phone. Adrienne and Alex flinched once again when they heard the back door slam. Adrienne got up to go comfort Laf, but Alex stopped her.

“No, let me do it,” he said, getting up and following Laf out the back door. He looked around for Laf and followed him into the gardens on the far end of the grounds. He found Laf sitting on a bench in the middle with his head in his hands.

“Laf?” he said tentatively, approaching carefully.

Laf looked up from his hands. “What do you want? Because whatever it is, I probably do not want to hear it right now,” he said sullenly.

“This isn’t about me,” Alex quickly amended, hoping Laf would let him continue.

“Okay, speak,” he commanded.

“Um, when my mom died, they asked me what to do with her body, and I had no clue. We never talked about that sort of thing, and I had no idea what she wanted. But I always knew she wanted to travel, so it seemed wrong to put her in a box in a ground. I went and spread her ashes in the Hudson. It was as far as I could travel at the time, and I figured if she was in the water she could travel anywhere she wanted.” Alex stopped talking and waited for Laf to respond.

“I do not understand what you are meaning. Explain?” Laf asked.

“I guess just do whatever feels right. Trust your gut,” Alex told him.

Laf looked up at him. “Thanks,” he said quietly.

“Of course,” Alex responded easily. “Do you want me to sit with you or go back inside?”

“I, uh, kind of need to be with my thoughts right now.”

“Alright, I’ll leave you alone. I love you,” Alex told him, walking away.

“You too,” Laf replied after him. Alex smiled. It was progress he supposed.

***

Alex was sitting in the guest bedroom, working on his laptop when there was a knock at the door.

“Come in,” he called, shutting the laptop and setting it aside. The door crept open revealing Laf standing behind it. “Hi,” Alex said, looking shocked that Laf had come to him.

“Hi,” Laf said, stepping into the room. “Do you mind if I join you?” he asked.

“No, of course not,” Alex replied, scooting over so Laf would have room to sit. “Is there anything you wanted to talk about?”

“Um, yeah, I wanted to thank you, for the advice you gave me earlier.”

“Yeah, of course, anything you need,” Alex said solemnly.

“Thanks, I had no idea what to do. But I figured my grandmother was pretty traditional, and she would want something concrete for people to remember her by, so I found a plot of land at a cemetery nearby and bought it. She will be buried there and I will design a headstone. I think that is what she would have wanted.” He looked up, as if looking for Alex’s approval.

“That sounds lovely, Laf. I think she would appreciate it.”

“Thanks,” Laf replied. He got up to leave, but sat back down almost immediately. Alex gave him a questioning look. “I have not been sleeping well since I got here, and I am exhausted. Can I sleep here with you? And can you stay here with me, at least until I fall asleep? The bed seems colder without you.”

“Of course,” Alex responded eagerly. He put his laptop in the floor beside the bed and got up to get under the duvet. He held the blanket open for Laf, letting him decide how much of a boundary he wanted to push. He was pleasantly surprised when Laf curled around him and laid his head on his shoulder.

“Thank you for being here,” Laf mumbled into Alex’s shoulder.

“I’ll be here for you as long as you’ll have me. Sleep peacefully,” Alex murmured, wrapping his arms around Laf. They both slept soundly for the first time in days.

***

Alex woke up disoriented, confused by the darkness. He felt around the bed, only feeling a slightly warm spot from where Laf had been curled up against him. He bolted up as he remembered the events from earlier in the day. _Ah fuck,_ he thought. Had Laf wanted him to get up and leave after he had fallen asleep? He stepped into the mirror to retie his hair before going downstairs to find Laf. He strolled into the kitchen, only seeing Adrienne drinking a cup of coffee.

“Where’s Laf?” he asked.

“He came by a few minutes ago. He is going to take some time to himself to make the arrangements I think,” she responded. “Coffee?” she asked, looking towards the full pot.

“Uh, sure,” Alex agreed, staying in the kitchen with Adrienne to give Laf his space. “Mugs?”

“In that cabinet.” She pointed to a cabinet near the coffee machine and snorted when Alex had to get on his tippy toes to reach the nearest cup. He ignored her and filled his cup before sitting across the island from her.

“Just black coffee?” she asked.

“Yeah, anything else is a travesty to coffee,” he said, frowning at her cup that was more milk than coffee by the looks of it. “Damn, this is good,” he groaned, delighting in the fine coffee he was drinking.

“Thanks,” she replied. “I grabbed a bag of it before I got a plane back from Indonesia to be here.”

“What on earth were you doing in Indonesia?”

“Just travelling,” she hummed. “But when Laf called, I hopped on a plane. He is my best friend, I would do anything for him.”

“How do you know him? He never told me about you?” Alex asked, leaning forward. There was so much about Laf’s life in France he didn’t know.

“Oh, he and I used to be betrothed,” she giggled, but Alex didn’t seem to find it nearly as funny.

“Betrothed? Laf used to be betrothed?” Alex gasped.

Panic flashed across her face but was quickly covered by nonchalance. _Runs in the culture,_ Alex supposed.

“Yeah, his grandmother and my parents made the deal when we were teenagers, but it did not quite work out.”

“Why not?” Alex asked. Laf was perfect in his eyes, and he didn’t understand why anyone would give up the opportunity to be with him.

She laughed. “Call it a conflict of sexualities,” she joked.

“But Laf is… Actually I don’t really know what Laf is. He doesn’t seem to discriminate in that area.”

“Oh you would be correct about that. It is _I_ , not Laf, that prefers the fairer sex.”

“Ohhh,” Alex replied. “But you’re still friends?”

“Laf is an amazing person, but he has been through alot in his short number of years. His grandmother was a lovely woman, but by the time Laf was in her care, she had already raised a family, and she was aging. It was difficult for her to keep up with a kid as boisterous as Laf was, and she tried. I think that dampened him a lot, having to act like royalty even when he was just a kid. He did what was expected of him because he is the last heir of his family. He moved away to go to America, and I saw a lot of that spirit return to him, but I know even in America he has been through so much more that even I do not know about. I just know that when I met him, I saw someone who seemed so lost, and I would do anything to help him get out of it.”

Alex looked stunned. He realized just how little he knew about Laf before Nate. His mind ran wild trying to put the pieces together, rolling back over his interactions with Laf and how he had behaved at every turn, but Adrienne interrupted him out of his stupor.

“You are good for him, you know,” she said.

“Really?” he asked. If nothing else, the last few days had proven to him just how much he didn’t deserve Laf.

“From what I can tell, yes. I have not been talking to him as much recently, but even just from our text messages, he seems happier, more carefree. It seems as though he is his age rather than years older. Here, let me show you something,” she said, getting up from the island. She walked into a sitting room with Alex following and pulled an old book off a shelf in the corner. She sat on a hard-looking sofa, seemed more for looks than function. “Sit,” she commanded, patting the place next to her.

Alex sat down next to her. “What is it?”

“It is one of his family scrapbooks. You cannot tell him I showed you baby pictures, he would not speak to me for months,” she answered, a glimmer of mischief in her eyes. Alex snorted as he got a glimpse through Laf’s childhood. A picture of Laf dressed as Napoleon for Halloween, another of Laf as a knight, another of Laf as a ninja. They stumbled into one of him as a toddler, throwing a tantrum while meeting an important French dignitary. There was a picture of Laf holding a tea party with toy soldiers and dolls invited alike.

“That is one thing about Laf,” Adrienne remarked, “he has never been afraid to be unapologetically himself.”

“That he isn’t,” Alex said fondly. “How do I keep him?” he asked, joy turning to dread as he remembered the situation he had gotten himself into.

“If you have not yet noticed, you already have him. His heart is yours, more than either of you realize. Like I said, just be here for him. Show up.”

Alex smiled. He could do that. He could be there. “Thank you,” he murmured. “For the advice, and for the scrapbook.”

“Our secret,” she said conspiratorially.

“Our secret,” he agreed, smiling.

“Goodnight, Adrienne,” he said.

“Goodnight,” she replied, walking off in the opposite direction.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @writerfreak2013, you know what to do


	4. But Baby I Just Need One Good One To Stay

The next few days where a whirlwind. Laf was constantly on the phone arranging things for his grandmother’s funeral, a venue, a person to perform the service, flowers, etc. Alex followed him around, making sure he ate enough and drank some water, writing down numbers and taking down notes when Laf needed. He hated seeing his usually relaxed, happy boyfriend in distress and disarray, but he was there, helping Laf through it.

It was the afternoon before the funeral, and Laf was scribbling furiously on a notepad. “Fuck,” he growled, ripping off that sheet of paper and crumbling it up, tossing it towards the trashcan, which was surrounded by other pieces of yellow legal paper covered in Laf’s scrawl.

Alex was sitting next to him reading a book, slowly watching him descend into madness. “Laf, what’s catching you up?”

Laf looked up from the legal pad, dark circles under his eyes and a glimmer of anger hanging in his eyes. “Why the fuck did I have to do the eulogy? They could not think of anyone else? My grandmother was on the board of three different international charities, she was involved in some of the most esteemed social clubs in France, there are many people who know her and could speak to her accomplishments, but they picked me. The grandson who she _had_ to take care of, who she had to give up her retirement to raise.”

“Laf, she wouldn’t have taken you in if she didn’t love you,” Alex said softly, hoping to simmer Laf’s brooding.

“I know she loved me, but she did not wish to take me to raise.”

Alex didn’t know how to respond to that, so he dodged it immediately. “Laf, they picked you for the eulogy because you know her the most personally. If they wanted to read her accomplishments, they would just read the paragraph in the obituary, but they’re here to celebrate her life, and you are one of the biggest pieces of that.”

“Half of the people that will be there will be vultures with fake sympathy,” he grumbled.

“Fuck them,” Alex said frankly. “They don’t matter. Write what you need to say to move on, not what they want to hear. Speak from the heart. Tell a funny story. Celebrate what made her _her_ , not what made her a French noble.”

“Thank you,” Laf murmured, “thank you for being by my side through all of this.”

“Of course,” Alex replied easily.

Laf scribbled down a few more words before he looked back up at Alex. “You have a suit, correct?”

“Uh, yeah, why?” Alex asked.

“I would like for you to come with me to the funeral, if that is something you would be comfortable with,” Laf answered.

“Yeah, of course,” Alex answered. “Do you want me to stand with you during the visitation as well?”

“If you would?”

“I will do anything you need me to,” Alex told him solemnly. He scooted his barstool closer to Laf and grasped the hand he wasn’t writing with.

“Thank you,” Laf murmured. He continued to write.

***

Alex was in bed reading a book when he heard a knock on his door.

“Come in,” Alex said, and Laf swung the door open.

“I find sleep to be evading me right now,” Laf said, shrugging and walking towards the bed. Alex put down his book and scooted over for Laf. Laf laid down and curled around him, taking over any mobility he might have had. Alex found that he didn’t care.

“Do you know what’s bothering you?” he asked, stroking a gentle hand across Laf’s cheek.

“I just keep thinking about how I should have been home for the summer,” Laf muttered.

Alex was confused. “Laf, baby, that probably wouldn’t have changed a thing.”

“I know, I just think I would feel less guilty if I hadn’t run off to America for the last couple of years before her death. I feel like I was being selfish, leaving even though she would be gone soon.” Laf avoided Alex’s steady gaze.

“Babe, if we based all of our life decisions around when people died, we would never go anywhere,” Alex told him, trying to comfort him.

Laf went on a different track. “I spoke to the coroner when they wanted me to decide about the body. Turns out she died from a tumor in her lung that ruptured. Would have been totally preventable if she had gone to a doctor.”

“Oh Laf, I’m so sorry,” Alex said, leaning in closer. He was surprised when Laf began to chuckle.

“Crazy old bat would never go to a doctor,” Laf laughed. “She was a good woman, but she didn’t touch a doctor or a medication a day in her life. Thought she could drink wine and any ailment would go away.”

“The French,” Alex snickered.

“We are a stubborn and stupid people,” Laf grinned. “Who needs modern medicine when we have fine wine.”

“Oui,” Alex snorted.

The boys dissolved into laughter as they held each other.

***

Once the morning hit, Laf was in a _mood_ again, but Alex excused it. They had a lot to get through for the day. Visitation began at 2pm, and the service began at 4pm. Laf had luckily decided not to hold a dinner after the service, so they were free once the service was over.

Noon saw them leaving the villa with Adrienne in a town car, headed to a venue in the city. Laf didn’t speak the entire ride, but he clasped Alex’s hand tightly in his own, as if he let go, Alex would whither away. Alex clasped back just as hard, hoping to ground Laf in his presence. When they arrived, Laf led Alex into the chapel and told him to sit in the front pew.

“Let me know if you need me?” Alex requested.

“Of course. I just have a few things to arrange with the venue, and I will be right back.” He bent down and kissed Alex’s forehead before strutting off.

Alex twiddled on his phone to pass the time, but he was interrupted by a woman in a plain suit approaching him.

_“How can I help you?”_ he asked, in his most charming French.

_“I am just here to inform you that ushers and waiters are supposed to meet in the kitchen,”_ she answered in a hushed tone.

If Alex seemed surprised he hid it well. _“Oh, you are mistaken, I am with the de Lafayette’s.”_

_“Oh, Apologies, monsieur, but you will need to move to some of the pews further back. The front rows are reserved for family only,”_ she replied, an unapologetic look on her face.

_“I am Monsieur Lafayette’s partner. I am sure you understand why I am sitting up here,”_ he said, icily glaring at her.

She looked him up and down, eyeing his obviously-not-designer suit and scuffed dress shoes. _“I am sorry, but you must understand why I will need verification.”_

_“I really do not understand,”_ Alex sneered. _“I guess they did not teach us how to examine classism and microaggressions at Columbia._

She droned about _maintaining the integrity of the service and allowing those most dear to the departed to sit near the front_ while Alex grew redder and redder. Before Alex could explode, Lafayette strolled in.

_“Is there a problem?”_ he asked, staring between Alex and the woman.

_“No problem here, Monsieur,”_ the woman answered lightly, _“I just asked this young man to move further back because I could tell he is not a member of your family, and the venue was reserving the front pews for family members only.”_

Alex could see the anger running through Laf’s frame. He shouldn’t have had to deal with this today. _“Well, Madame, if you had listened to the man sitting here, you would know that he is my partner, and that he will be sitting in the front row by my side. If his appearance is a problem for you, I recommend you write it down on a sheet of paper, crumble it up, and shove it up your ass because I do not have time to deal with it today. Is that clear?”_ Laf said coldly.

_“No, of course it is not a problem, he is welcome in our church at any time,”_ she said, feigning warmth.

_“Good,”_ Laf replied shortly. _“Do not think that I will not be speaking to your supervisor about this.”_

She gulped before running off.

Laf pulled Alex out of the pew and into his arms. “Are you alright, mon chou?” he asked.

Alex smiled. Laf hadn't called him ‘mon chou’ since he arrived in Paris. “I'm fine,” he answered. “Sorry you had to deal with that. You don't need to fight my battles for me.”

Laf held him close and kissed his cheek. “I would fight a battle for you anytime.” Alex could feel himself growing hard. It had been at least a week since he and Laf had sex, so he was on edge. He looked down between himself and Laf and muttered, “Not right now,” inaudibly.

Laf must have felt it because he chuckled. “I will take care of that later,” he whispered in Alex’s ear. Alex hummed in satisfaction. He was missing being close to Laf, having been confined to pecks on the lips, cheeks, or foreheads for the better part of the week. Laf stepped back and pulled at the lapels of Alex’s suit. “We will also go get you a suit fit for a member of French nobility.”

“You really don't have--”

“I know,” Laf interrupted. “But I want to, and if you are in this for the long haul, you will need it.”

“Fine,” Alex agreed. “I'm in this for the long haul, you can buy me a suit.”

Laf grinned down at him. “I love you, thank you for being here with me. I know we need to talk, but we should get through this first, okay?”

Alex felt warmth run through his body. _God it felt so nice, to hear those words again,_ he thought. “I love you too, so much. I'll be wherever you need me today.”

“Thank you,” Laf murmured. He kissed Alex’s brow before pulling back.

***

Visitation and the funeral passed with a blur. Alex met and shook hands with more people than he could remember. Laf gave a beautiful eulogy, and before they knew it, they were standing in a cemetery surrounded by overly large bouquets of flowers. Laf made it through the service fine, but they were the last ones to stay so Laf could say goodbye in private.

Alex could easily tell that Laf was not fine. His stoic exterior broke away as he desperately held Alex, crying into his hair. Alex knew there were no words that could ease the loss, so he simply stood there, letting Laf cry into his neck while he ran his hands across Laf’s back in what he hoped was a soothing way.

After Laf had his cry, he pulled back and wiped his eyes. Alex was quick to help, grabbing a tissue from his pocket and drying the tears from under Laf’s eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“For now,” Laf answered. “Can we leave?”

“Wherever you want to go,” Alex answered, grabbing Laf’s hand. Laf tugged him off in the direction of the parking lot. “Do we need to find Adrienne?” he asked, noticing that they were short a person from their earlier arrival.

“No, she went ahead back,” Laf answered, seeming distracted. He looked relieved when the town car pulled up. Alex was surprised when Laf gave a Parisian address rather than the address of the villa outside the city.

“Where are we going?” Alex asked.

Laf pulled Alex into the back of the car and slid up the partition. “Adrienne will be at the villa. I wanted to be somewhere more private, so we are going to my family’s flat in the city.”

“Oh,” Alex answered. Before he could ask another question, Laf pulled him into his lap and pressed their lips together. Alex melted into him quicker than usual. The days without close contact and intimacy had left him touch-starved. Before the kiss could grow more heated, Laf pulled back just enough to speak.

“I need you. I need you so much that sometimes it scares me, and I need to know you will not leave me or let me leave without you. I cannot feel like that again. I would not survive it.”

Alex sat up and swung his leg over Laf’s hip, straddling his lap. Alex pressed their lips together. “I love you, I love you so goddamn much, it scares me too.”

“Then why did you let me go?” Laf asked.

_There it was._ Alex could see the week of doubt bubbling to the forefront of Laf’s mind. Alex bit his lip while he carefully formulated his thoughts. “I, uh--” Alex started, but Laf interrupted him.

“Please do not break my heart again,” Laf pled.

“I won’t,” Alex quickly corrected, reassuring Laf. “I just feel like I’m not contributing to our relationship,” Alex rushed out. He breathed a sigh of relief from getting that off his chest.

“What?” Laf asked, dumbfounded. That wasn’t what he expected.

“You pay for our apartment and our dates and our trips and activities, even our groceries, and everyday I see you trying to do better, trying to do right by me, and I feel like I’m not contributing. You work so hard to make this work, and I feel like I’m not contributing in a concrete way, and I fear that one day you’ll realize it and then leave me.” Alex laid his head on Laf’s shoulder in an attempt to avoid his gaze.

“Alexander, why did you not just tell me that?” Laf asked. “We could have figured it out.”

“I know, but your grandmother just died. I couldn’t be the asshole that made my insecurities your problem while you had to deal with all of this,” Alex sighed.

“Alex, I chose to be with you. Your insecurities are my privilege to ease, not my burden to bear,” Laf said, pulling Alex’s chin to align their gazes. “And if you must know, you might not see how you contribute to this relationship, but I see it all the time. I see it when every night you have dinner ready for us. I can see it in how you strive to better yourself for me. I can see it in how you tame my wild ideas, to make sure I do not do anything beyond stupid.” Alex chuckled. “You are always there for me, except when you get trapped in here,” Laf told him, tapping his temple.

“‘M sorry I didn’t come to Paris with you when you asked me,” Alex mumbled.

“I forgive you,” Laf said, crashing their lips together. Laf wrapped his arms around Alex’s waist, wrapping them all the way around and pulling him close in a bear hug. Alex wound his hands through Laf’s hair and kissed him with a hunger he hadn’t felt in awhile.

Alex and Laf pulled back when the car stopped and the driver knocked on the partition.

_“Monsieur, we have arrived,”_ the driver told them. The door opened, and Laf pulled Alex out of the car. They walked into the apartment building, and the doorman nodded at Laf in recognition. At that point, Alex should not have been surprised by the grandeur of their apartment building in the middle of the city, but he still gazed with childlike wonder at the opulence surrounding him.

Laf strolled through the lobby, pulling Alex along with business-like efficiency. Alex was confused by the claminess of Laf’s hands while they took the elevator to the penthouse suite, but he didn’t ask. They stepped off the elevator into the suite, and Alex couldn’t get a good look around before Laf had him pressed up against the wall.

Alex could feel the hesitance, the strain, in Laf, so different from Laf’s usually confident movements. “What is it, babe?” Alex asked.

“I need to feel close to you,” Laf murmured desperately.

“I’m right here, babe, I’m right here, however you want me,” Alex answered, shrugging off his jacket and beginning to unbutton his shirt.

“Take me,” Laf begged. “I want you to take me. Claim me. _Own me._ ” Laf shrugged off his own suit jacket and began to help Alex with unbuttoning his shirt. They pulled Alex’s shirt off before they began to unbutton Laf’s.

If Alex seemed surprised, he hid it well. “Laf, are you sure you want this right now?”

“Positive,” Laf insisted. “Fuck me. _Make me yours_.”

“You're already mine, you're always gonna be mine,” Alex answered, moaning into Laf’s ear.

Laf pulled Alex away from the wall and walked them back to the bedroom. He backed Alex into the four-post bed, laying him down and climbing on top of him, straddling his hips. He ground their erections together through their pants, and nipped along Alex’s jaw. Alex wrapped his arms around Laf’s waist and snuck one hand down his back, slipping it under Laf’s belt and into the waistband of his boxers.

Alex pulled away from where Laf was seemingly trying to devour him. Evidently the lack of intimacy in the past week was affecting him too. “Laf, I need to make sure you're okay with this.”

Laf sat up dejectedly. “If you do not wish to do this, we do not have to.”

“No, I want to!” Alex exclaimed. “I've wanted to since we first started dating. I just need to know that you're okay with this and that you're not just doing it because you're grieving. I won't take advantage of you.”

“I. Promise. You. That. I. Want. This.” Laf said, punctuating each word with a kiss. “I. Need. This.”

Alex groaned as Laf thrust their hips together, grinding their cocks together. “Take off your pants,” Alex ordered.

Laf stood up off the end of the bed and unbuckled his belt, pulling down his pants and briefs in one swift motion while Alex lifted his hips to wiggle out of his pants.

Laf jumped back onto Alex, a clear hunger in his eyes. “I want this. I want you,” he growled into Alex’s ear. He nipped Alex’s earlobe before working his way down his neck, sucking purple bruises into his neck.

“Okay, okay,” Alex laughed. “Where's your lube?”

Laf leaned over and grabbed a bottle from the nightstand and passed it to Alex. “How do you want me?” he asked.

“Hands and knees, baby,” Alex told him. He squirted some lube onto his fingers while Laf settled onto his hands and knees, burying his face in a pillow. He groaned when Alex rubbed the pads of his fingers against his rim. “Are you sure you want this?” Alex asked.

“Positive,” Laf answered. In case Alex needed more assurance, Laf wiggled his hips back, pressing against Alex’s fingers. “Please, mon chou, I need you with me” he requested.

“I got you,” Alex swore. “I'm right here.” He slipped a finger in and Laf gasped. The intrusion was unfamiliar, so different from how things normally were. He squirmed as Alex wiggled his index finger, gasping and clutching at the sheets once Alex found his prostate.

“Fuck,” Laf groaned. It had been a while since he felt it, the blooming pressure and pleasure, shutting down everything in his mind but Alex and his finger in his hole. “Fuck, another,” he moaned.

Per Laf’s request, Alex added another finger, beginning to twist and pull his fingers, trying to make room for a third. Laf squirmed at the sensation, moaning and hissing when Alex’s fingers would brush across his prostate. Alex scissored his fingers apart before adding a third finger, and Laf startled at the stretch.

“Are you alright, babe?” Alex asked, stilling his fingers.

“Green as grass, right as rain,” Laf answered, trying to get Alex to move again. Alex obliged to his request, exercising his excellent digital skills that were used so infrequently until Laf was a puddle, rutting up against the mattress.

“Are you ready?” Alex asked, pulling his fingers out and leaning over Laf, lining himself up with Laf.

“Can I turn over?” Laf suggested shyly. “I want to see you.”

“Of course,” Alex replied, kneeling up, allowing Laf to turn over and lay on his back. “Here,” he said, placing a pillow under Laf’s hips to help with the angle. “Okay, now are you ready?”

“More than ready,” Laf answered solemnly.

Alex lined himself up and sunk into Laf, pushing through to the hilt. If Laf was in pain, he didn't show it. He simply smirked, “Is it in?”

Alex looked down at him with a withering gaze. “Listen, Mr. Too Big For A Normal Speedo, we can't all be as gifted as you.”

“I know, mon chou, I kid. You can move now though, I will not break.”

Alex began to thrust, finding Laf’s prostate and aiming for that spot. Laf gritted his teeth in what Alex assumed was pleasure. “You're lucky I love you because otherwise--”

“--I know,” Laf interrupted. “I am so lucky that you love me.”

“It's me that’s lucky,” Alex responded, leaning down for a kiss. He continued his slow, smooth strokes into Laf.

“You know,” Laf huffed, cutting his statement short when Alex hit his prostate. He hissed. “You know, it is a good thing you did not wish to fuck me against the wall.”

“Why is that?” Alex asked, wishing he was less breathless than he was.

“We would have had to find you an ottoman to stand on so you could reach me,” Laf joked, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes, hiding the pain he felt just behind the forefront of humor.

“Fuck you,” Alex responded, teasing.

Laf immediately lit up, another joke ready to roll off his tongue. “You know, I do not know what you think we are doing then. I am sure this could not be mistaken for apple picking,” he snorted.

Alex groaned. He walked right into that one. “You know, you're awfully mouthy for someone who has their ass full of cock.”

“That seems ironic coming from you, the loudest bottom I know,” Laf teased light-heartedly. He grit his teeth again and Alex noticed the flash of pain running across his face. Alex pulled out slowly and carefully.

“Laf, am I hurting you?” Alex asked carefully.

“I am fine,” Laf answered. “Just put it back in.”

Alex looked at him with worry. “Laf, if this isn’t enjoyable for you, we don’t have to do it.” Alex could see tears in the corners of Laf’s eyes.

“I want to enjoy this, I need to enjoy this. I need to feel close to you,” he whimpered.

Alex’s heart broke for Laf. “Laf, baby, I don’t need to be inside you for us to be close. I’m right here, and I’m not going away.”

“I want to be able to do this for you. I want you to feel like you have the same claim on me like I have on you.”

“This isn’t just for me,” Alex reassured him. “Our intimacy is never just for me. And you’re gonna be mine no matter what, you’re already mine.” He lined his cock up with Laf’s and began to rut against him. “Does that feel good?”

Laf nodded and moaned. “Feels great.”

“See baby, I’m right here. I’m close to you, and it doesn’t hurt. Is this okay?” Alex asked, wrapping his hand around both their lengths.

“Perfect,” Laf moaned, falling apart in Alex’s hand. “Harder,” he begged, and Alex increased his pace, rubbing their cocks together until Laf was close to the edge. Laf moved his hand down from where he was clutching a pillow to grab his cock, but Alex swatted his hand away, continuing to stroke their lengths together.

“Are you close, baby?” he asked.

“So close,” he moaned. He wrapped his legs around Alex’s small frame and pulled him close, trapping his cock between their bodies. “Right there, just like that,” he said breathlessly, when Alex struck the perfect combination of thrusting and strokes to his cock.

“Come for me,” Alex ordered before catching Laf in an earth-shattering kiss. Laf came apart under his ministrations, splattering across his stomach and moaning into Alex’s mouth. Alex came across Laf’s chest in tandem. “Fuck, I love you so goddamn much,” he murmured, gasping for breath. He pulled out before collapsing into Laf’s embrace, not even giving second thought to lying on top of Laf even though they were both sticky with their releases.

“Thank you,” Laf whispered after he had come down from his orgasm. “Thank you for pulling out and not making me finish like that.”

Alex leaned into Laf, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Laf, I never want to do anything in bed that hurts you. If you’re uncomfortable with something, then we won’t do it. Period. End of story, end of conversation. I love you too much for intimacy to be something you don’t like.” Alex pecked Laf all over his face until he was a giggling mess.

“Ditto,” Laf joked.

“Seriously?” Alex asked, swatting Laf’s shoulder playfully. “I fuck you that hard and give you an eloquent speech and all you have to say is ditto? _The French are so romantic_ , my ass.”

“You simply took the words from me, mon chou. I am speechless,” Laf replied effortlessly.

Alex groaned into his shoulder, “Why do you have to be so fucking smooth? You’re too perfect for me.”

“That is debatable at best,” Laf shrugged. “I fear it is you that is too perfect for me.”

“I guess we’ll just agree to disagree.” Alex smiled and pecked Laf’s lips. “We really should clean up, otherwise this will be a bitch to get out in the morning,” he said, looking at the mess that was trapped in the fine hair covering Laf’s abdomen.

“That, we should,” Laf chuckled, getting up and pulling Alex towards the bathroom.

They fell into their normal synchronization, back together at last.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops, update, my new tumblr is @freakingwriter2013


	5. If I Had A Highway I Would Run For The Hills

The next morning, Alex woke up to Laf nipping his jaw. He tried to turn his head into Laf’s to meet their lips for a sweet kiss, but Laf pulled away. “Come with me,” he murmured, grabbing Alex’s hand and the bottle of lube and dragging him out of the bedroom, much to Alex’s dissatisfaction.

“Oh, c’mon, no sleepy morning sex?” Alex whined.

“Patience is a virtue,” Laf told him, continuing their nude march through the apartment.

Alex smarted back, “Last time you told me that, I cried in the new shower because you wouldn’t let me come until I thought my dick was gonna fall off.”

“And you learned your lesson, yes?” Laf smirked.

“I suppose, but--”

“Do not worry, mon chou, I will not edge you again, at least not right now,” he laughed, entering the main room, which had floor-to-ceiling windows.

Alex gawked at the view of the Seine and the Eiffel Tower from the windows. “Shit, Laf, this is gorgeous.”

“Exactly,” Laf told him. “I have always wanted to fuck someone up against this window, are you in?”

“Fuck, yes,” Alex groaned, strutting over to the window and leaning into it, leaving his ass out for Laf.

Laf grinned down at Alex’s bubble butt. “Hmm, this is already better than I imagined,” he hummed. “Legs apart.”

Alex followed the order easily, spreading his legs for Laf to stand behind. “You’re very bossy,” Alex remarked, rubbing his cheek on the cool window as Laf slipped a first finger in.

“Do you have a problem with that?” Laf teased, stilling his finger.

Alex whined, “No, of course not, keep going!”

“Good,” Laf tsked. He slipped in a second finger alongside the first, probing for Alex’s prostate. With practiced familiarity, he found it with no issue and began to press on it, and Alex went weak in the knees.

“If you want me to be able to stand for this, you’re going to have to ease off the ass there,” Alex panted. Laf chuckled in response, going back to a simple and thorough prep rather than a rough, arousing one.

Once Alex was prepped, Laf leaned against him, pressing the head of his cock up against Alex’s hole. “Are you ready, mon chou?” Laf asked.

“Yes, yes, fuck me,” Alex begged, and Laf obliged, slamming into Alex to the hilt. Alex leaned further into the window, and Laf pushed forward following him until Alex was pressed firmly against the window, his cock trapped between his abdomen and the cold glass of the window.

Laf pulled back and thrust back in, nailing Alex’s prostate with familiar dexterity. “God, you are so tight, mon chou.”

“Fuck, you’re so big,” Alex moaned in response. Laf took his hands off of Alex’s waist and grabbed his hands, pressing them up against the window on either side of Alex’s head.

Laf could feel his orgasm beginning to bubble low in his gut. “I imagined this so many times, mon chou, looking over Paris while fucking someone, but I find that all I want to look at is you. You are simply gorgeous like this, falling apart on my cock.”

Alex broke his view away from the skyline and turned his head back to catch Laf in a kiss. “I’m so close, please touch me,” he requested.

“Non, I want you to come on my cock alone,” Laf ordered, making more effort to his Alex’s prostate directly.

“Fuck,” Alex hissed, beginning to grind back on Laf’s cock. “I’m about to come,” he sobbed, attempting to rut against the smooth glass of the window.

Laf took his lips from where he was sucking a mark into Alex’s neck. He gave a simple command. “Come.”

Alex curled his toes and collapsed into himself as he splattered across the window. Laf caught him around his waist so he wouldn’t fall to the floor, continuing to fuck into him as he gasped and keened in oversensitivity. “Fuck, Laf, damn,” he hissed.

“Almost done, mon chou,” Laf murmured, finishing into Alex’s clenching hole.

He gently pulled out of Alex once his orgasm had subsided, continuing to hold Alex’s weight since his legs had turned to jelly. He carefully lowered them to the floor and pulled Alex to him, brushing his hair away from where it was clinging to his face.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Perfect,” Alex hummed, satisfied with the orgasm Laf had pulled from him. “I don’t think my legs will work anymore.”

Laf snickered at Alex. “Then it is a good thing you have me to carry you around.”

“Just stay right here for a minute,” Alex said, refusing to get up with Laf to go take a shower.

“We are on the floor,” Laf stated.

“I don’t care,” Alex replied. “Just wanna sit here with you for a minute.”

“Okay,” Laf agreed, brushing his lips against Alex’s forehead.

“Can we move over a couple inches? The come on the window distorts the view,” Alex complained, and Laf chortled in response, happy to resettle them to a spot with an unmarred view.

***

Alex gaped at the Yves Saint Laurent as they approached it. “Laf, you realize suits here cost more than our grocery budget for the year, right?” Alex asked, taking off his sunglasses as if the name of the shop would change if he looked at it for real.

“It is not a problem, mon chou. I am getting you one of the finest suits in Paris,” Laf answered easily, opening the door to the shop for Alex to walk in before he could protest.

Laf followed swiftly behind him, and before he could greet the receptionist, an associate walked out. _“Monsieur de Lafayette! How nice it is to see you!”_

Alex looked at Laf incredulously. Laf looked at him innocently. “I must have forgotten to tell you that I am distantly related to Yves Saint Laurent, and my family has frequented this shop or years.”

“How on earth are you related to him?”

“I am not entirely positive of the fine details, but he is some sort of distant uncle. My parents even named me after him,” Laf answered, flitting his hand through the air nonchalantly.

“Named you after him?” Alex asked before the realization hit. “Ohh, Marie-Joseph Paul _Yves_...” he trailed off.

“Yes, my parents admired him for his fashion expertise as well as his fun parties.” He turned towards the associate that greeted him. “Louis, it is so lovely to see you again! How are the children?”

“They are doing wonderfully,” Louis answered jovially. “Adelaide was accepted to university, and she is thrilled. Jean just got married!”

“That is wonderful!” Laf exclaimed, a bright smile on his face.

Louis smiled back. “Thank you! So what brings you in?”

Laf pulled Alex forward. “My boyfriend, here, needs a suit,” Laf told him, gesturing proudly towards Alex.

“He must be very special for you to bring him into the family like this!” Louis proclaimed.

“He is truly wonderful,” Laf replied kindly.

Louis turned to Alex. “You treat him well, yes?”

“Uh, yes?” Alex answered.

Louis replied seriously to Alex’s uncertainty, “You should not answer a question with a question, son.”

“Yes,” Alex replied more certainly. “I love him, he's the best thing in my life.” He threw in a shy smile to win Louis over.

Louis’s serious face melted away to a once-again, kind smile. “I am glad Lafayette found someone.” He whispered obviously, “To tell you the truth, this one always worried me.” He jabbed a thumb in Laf’s direction. “Very dramatic, kind, but a little over the top.”

Laf scoffed at his teasing, but he was enamored with Alex’s response. “He's worth it though.”

“That is what I like to hear!” Louis announced. “Now, you need a suit?” he asked.

“Um, yes, but I don't even know where to begin,” Alex answered truthfully.

Before Louis could begin making recommendations, Laf interrupted and began to talk about patterns and fabrics and colors, and Alex’s head was spinning. Before he knew it, he was standing in his briefs on a pedestal in a dressing room, and Louis was measuring every inch of his body.

After Louis finished measuring, he turned to Laf, “I think I have just the fit, let me go grab it and grab some pins so we can make alterations!”

“Perfect!” Laf replied, and Alex stood there dumbstruck. Louis left, and Laf swarmed Alex. “So what do you think?”

“Louis is quite the man,” Alex chuckled.

“Oh, he has been a family friend for years. He has altered every one of my suits from the time I could walk!”

“Oh, stop bragging on me,” Louis interrupted, walking back in with a suit in hand. “We shall dress you, yes?” he asked Alex.

“Yep,” Alex agreed, and he began to pull on the stiff wool pants Louis had selected. He put on a crisp, white button-down shirt and pulled the jacket on over it. He glanced into the mirror, indifferent at the fit of the suit. Louis, however, rushed forward and began sticking pins into the suit.

He looked to Laf. “A slimmer fit around the waist?” he suggested.

“That is what I was thinking as well. And a little slimmer around the calves?” Laf pointed out.

“You have such a great eye for this thing,” Louis answered proudly, and he pinned the waist and calves. He began to pin the hem. “He is quite small,” Louis hummed.

“It is one of his charms,” Laf smirked.

“Hey, I’m just compact,” Alex argued.

“A very lovely compact,” Laf agreed. “Louis, could you go ring this up for me? And grab a white shirt and a sky blue to go with it? Run it all on the card on file.”

“Of course,” Louis replied. He finished pinning the hem of Alex’s pants and walked away.

Laf pulled the curtain shut behind Louis, and strolled back over to Alex, pulling him back tightly to his chest and running his hands over Alex’s figure. He met Alex’s gaze in the mirror. “This suit looks lovely on you, mon chou. At some point, I would hope to fuck you with this on the floor nearby, but for now we’ll have to make do with this location.”

“Laf, what?” Alex asked, before he realized Laf’s intentions. Laf unbuttoned his pants and slipped his hand in, grabbing his cock and stroking it. “Laf,” Alex moaned.

“Quiet, mon chou,” Laf tsked, “We would not want Louis to overhear.” Alex quietly whimpered as Laf palmed the head of his cock, and he threw his head back against Laf’s shoulder. “Do you realize how beautiful you look in this suit. I cannot wait to be able to strip this off of you.”

“Fuck, Laf,” Alex groaned, unable to keep his voice in.

“Shhh, I will quit if you cannot be quiet,” Laf murmured, nipping at that spot just behind Alex’s ear that made him weak in the knees. Alex glanced away as he began to pant. “No, mon chou, keep your eyes on me. I want you to see yourself as you fall apart, see how beautiful you are. I know you do not like how small and compact you are, but I love it. I love that I can hold you like this and you feel small in my arms. I love how slim your waist is and how robust that makes your bottom look.” Alex chuckled at that. “Your legs, my god, your legs are so sexy, mon chou,” Laf whispered.

“Harder,” Alex whispered, and Laf increased his speed, stroking Alex from base to tip.

“Look me in the eye,” Laf commanded, and Alex caught his gaze in the mirror. “Come for me, mon chou.”

Alex felt the orgasm thrum through his veins, and he came into Laf’s hand. Luckily, Laf caught his release, ensuring that none of it got on the suit Louis would have to tailor. “Fuck,” Alex muttered, and Laf snickered at him.

“You have made quite a mess,” he simpered, putting his hand up to Alex’s face to clean. Alex carefully licked Laf’s hand clean, and Laf cleaned the rest of it up with tissues from a box in the corner of the room. “You should change back into your clothes,” Laf recommended.

Alex followed easily, careful to keep the pins intact as he pulled off his pants, and he pulled his shorts back on. Louis came back in as Alex was unbuttoning the shirt and putting his own t-shirt back on.

“Alright, Lafayette, it totals to about 4,800 euros,” he said, handing Laf a paper to sign. Louis turned to Alex. “You seem flushed, would you like a glass of water?”

“Oh, no thanks,” Alex answered, flustered. Alex could see Laf smirking behind the tab.

“I appreciate all of your help, Louis,” Laf said gracefully before Louis could ask too many questions. “Call me when it is finished, and I will arrange for it to be picked up.”

“As always, I appreciate your business,” Louis told Laf, taking the clipboard back.

“Thank you,” Laf answered. “You will always be my first choice when buying suits!”

“Thank you very much! Shall I walk you out?”

“No, that is alright,” Laf replied. “We can show ourselves out.”

“It was lovely seeing you,” Louis said kindly, shaking Laf’s hand. “And it was lovely meeting you,” he said, turning to Alex. “He is quite the young man, I hope you two stay together.”

“That’s the plan, sir,” Alex said brightly. “Thank you for your help.”

“Any friend of Laf is a friend of mine. Have a good afternoon!”

“You too,” Laf and Alex said simultaneously. They walked out of the store hand-in-hand.

***

Laf took Alex to a cafe and bookshop along the Seine, giving Alex the rundown of his favorite places in the city. Alex sat down and scoffed at the menu, jokingly mocking its fancy French food. Alex praised the meal when it arrived, satisfied with the taste of the chicken pasta he had ordered and the bottle of wine Laf had bought to go with it. No matter what, though, Laf seemed to have settled into a funk after leaving Yves Saint Laurent.

“Is everything okay?” Alex asked, trying to get to the bottom of Laf’s distant mood.

Laf gazed off over the river from their table outside. “I am fine.”

Alex softened. Laf was clearly not fine. “Laf,” Alex insisted. “You don’t have to be okay.”

“I, uh, I feel like what I am feeling is stupid.”

“What are you feeling?” Alex asked, nervously twirling the straw in his glass.

“I feel like I am trapped, which makes no sense. For some reason the city feels claustrophobic to me,” Laf answered, avoiding Alex’s gaze.

“So let’s get out of the city,” Alex suggested. “Wherever you want to go, I’ll follow.”

Laf lost himself in his thoughts for a moment before answering. “My family has a villa in Menton, it is quite beautiful. On the beach, secluded, quiet. I could arrange for us to depart tonight and we would arrive by morning.”

“Alright, let’s do it,” Alex agreed immediately.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @freakingwriter2013, I love hearing from y'all!


	6. If You Could Find A Dry Way, I'd Forever Be Still

By 5pm, Alex and Laf were packed and ready to leave for Menton. They had sent their driver for the estate outside of the city, and he arrived at the apartment on time to pick them up. For most of the ten hour drive, Laf and Alex slept, curled around each other. When they arrived in Menton at 6am, they went straight to bed, cuddling together in the king bed.

“But our bags?” Alex asked blearily.

“One of the staff will grab them,” Laf answered, mouthing at Alex’s neck.

Alex turned away, pressing his back against Laf’s chest. “I’m too tired for sex right now,” he mumbled.

“Okay,” Laf replied, pulling back away from Alex. “I still want to feel your skin on mine. Want to be close,” he murmured.

Alex squirmed out of Laf’s arms to appeal to his request, stripping out of his clothes while Laf stripped out of his own, and sliding back into Laf’s embrace. “You’re really warm,” Alex said softly.

“Go back to sleep,” Laf chuckled, pulling Alex nearly on top of him and swaddling the duvet around them.

***

When Alex woke up, he found himself alone and hugging a large body pillow. He pulled the crisp linen sheet off the bed and wrapped it around himself, getting up and wandering around the cottage to find Laf.

He found Laf in a pair of boxers and an old soft long-sleeve t-shirt, staring out of the window at the ocean with a mug of fresh coffee. He wrapped his arms around Laf’s middle and placed a kiss between his shoulder blades, laying his head on Laf’s back and listening to his heartbeat.

“This is strange,” Laf said quietly, “being here.”

“Yeah?” Alex asked, leaving room for Laf to decide what he wanted to share.

“It has been almost ten years since I have been here. It is exactly as I remember it, but it feels so different, being here with you,” Laf contemplated aloud, bringing one hand from his coffee down to grasp Alex’s.

“A good different?” Alex asked, laying kisses across Laf’s shoulder.

“Yeah, a good different,” Laf agreed. He took a deep breath, and Alex relished in the feeling of his chest rising and falling in his arms and the ability to hear it reverberate throughout his chest. “I like being able to share this part of my life with you, the things that happened before Nate. Being here with you has made me realize how much you do not know about my life before America, and I want you to know me, every part of me.”

“Thank you for letting me in, letting me see, allowing me the privilege of knowing all of it,” Alex murmured against his back.

Laf turned around in Alex’s arms to face him. Laf leaned down to kiss him, but Alex crinkled his nose and pulled back. “I love you, but morning coffee breath is not a good scent on you.”

“Fair enough,” Laf chuckled. “Coffee?” he offered, holding out his mug for Alex to take.

Alex grabbed the mug and took a large sip, grimacing at the flavor. “Laf, if your coffee is lighter than my skin, it doesn’t count as coffee.”

“That is merely because you, mon chou, are a coffee snob. Most people actually like to enjoy the coffee they drink.”

“Here, take your coffee-flavored milk back. I’ll make my own cup,” Alex said, pulling away from Laf to walk into the kitchen. In Laf’s turning around, he seemed to have stepped on the sheet, so when Alex turned to walk away, the sheet fell and Alex stumbled out, naked and cold.

“You did not put clothes on?” Laf laughed.

“No!” Alex said defensively. “I thought I would just find you and we would go back to bed or something. I didn’t think you would step on the sheet!”

Laf stepped off the sheet and gingerly handed it back to Alex. “Go put on some boxers, and I will make your coffee for you,” he said gently.

Alex wrapped the sheet around himself and walked back into the bedroom, rummaging through his luggage for some clean boxers while Laf fixed him a mug of coffee, no cream or sugar, just the way he liked it.

They met halfway in the living room, Laf handing Alex his coffee and Alex sitting down and curling into Laf’s side. He sipped his coffee while Laf sat there, happy to be in quiet companionship. Alex could clearly tell that Laf was overthinking.

“What are you thinking about?” Alex asked. “I can practically hear your mind at work.”

Laf took a deep breath and sighed. “Once my parents died and I moved to the states, I resigned myself putting France behind me, as an unhappy part of my life, especially this villa here. I only have one memory of it but we were so happy. My mother and father were chasing me around the floor. Before my parents died this place was so joyful and happy, but now it seems tainted. But being here with you, it is healing. I feel like I am moving on, but I do not wish to forget them. Even though they did not raise me, I still feel like I need to remember them, to honor them in some way.”

“They would be proud of you, Laf, proud of the man you’ve become, proud of the man you will continue to grow as. And I'm glad I can be here to witness you become the wonderful man you are,” Alex told him. He crawled further onto Laf’s lap and faced him, looking in his eyes. “I love you, and I'm here for you, whatever you need.”

Laf stared straight into Alex’s eyes. “I want you inside me, I want you close to me, please,” he pled.

“Laf, I don't want to hurt you, I can't hurt you again,” Alex replied, searching for any hint of hesitancy in Laf’s face.

Laf brushed Alex’s hair out of his face. “I promise you I will tell you if you’re hurting me. I want this, I want to _belong_ to you.”

“Babe, you’re already mine, whether I fuck you or not,” Alex insisted.

“I know, I just... I need this, I want it,” Laf reiterated. “Please?” He nipped a line along Alex’s jaw and pulled him closer, grinding his erection against Alex, feeling Alex’s erection above his own. “See, I can see that you want this, that this arouses you as much as it does me.”[3] 

“That doesn’t mean I don’t have self control,” Alex mumbled.

“I am promising you that I want this,” Laf urged, dragging his teeth along Alex’s pulse-point. Alex went from breathing properly to trying to suppress his breathy moans.

“Okay,” Alex agreed. “But you’re riding me and setting the pace.”

“Agreed,” Laf replied, sitting up with Alex in his arms and carrying him back to the bedroom, coffees forgotten on the table beside the couch.

Laf gently laid Alex on the bed and straddled his hips, grinding their cocks together. They undressed each other slowly and carefully. “See?” Alex teased. “This is why I didn’t put clothes on this morning.”

“Well I was not so sure you would let me do this,” Laf replied, smiling down at Alex.

“Let me prep you,” Alex told him, tapping his hip. “On your stomach, please?” he requested, looking up from his position under Laf. Laf kindly obliged and rolled over onto his stomach, grabbing a pillow to hold.

“Whenever you are ready, mon chou,” Laf said, resting his head on the pillow. Alex stared at Laf’s ass, squeezing his cheeks, admiring the view. “Get on with it, please,” Laf ordered.

“Don’t mind me, just admiring the view,” Alex snarked. He pulled apart Laf’s cheeks and gasped in awe. “Laf, you got started without me?”

“I wanted to make sure I was prepared, that it did not hurt this time,” Laf replied sheepishly.

Alex looked at Laf’s hole, which was slick and shiny with lube already. “When did you prep yourself?”

“This morning before you woke up.”

“Good lord, you are too perfect for me,” Alex said reverently, leaning down to swipe his tongue across Laf’s hole.

Laf moaned and clenched his hands in the sheets. He could see why Alex loved being rimmed so much. “Do that again?” he asked.

Alex licked Laf’s hole with vigor, throwing delicacy out the window. The bitter taste of the lube was outweighed by the sweet moans and whimpers coming from Laf. Alex’s tongue slipped past Laf’s rim easily with the help of lube, and Alex began to gently thrust his tongue in and out of Laf’s hole. He pressed in a finger beside his tongue, searching for Laf’s prostate. Laf gasped when Alex found his prostate. “Right there, right there,” he panted, twitching his hips against the sheets. Alex pressed in a second finger beside the first and pulled his tongue out.

“Are you still okay?” he asked, bearing down on Laf’s prostate.

A groan tore its way out of Laf’s throat. “Perfect.”

Alex could see Laf’s eyes squinting and muscles tensing, so he pulled his fingers out. “Laf, I need you to tell me what I’m doing wrong. Please?”

“Put your fingers back in,” Laf ordered.

“Laf--”

“Put your fingers back in, and I will show you,” Laf said.

Alex was confused, but he followed the orders anyway, pressing two fingers in and leaving them still. Before he could ask, Laf’s hand snaked its way down Laf’s body and approached his hole. He slipped in a finger beside Alex’s fingers.

“Good fucking god, Laf, are you trying to kill me?” Alex moaned.

“Pay attention,” Laf replied, gently redirecting Alex’s train of thought. “You are pressing down too hard on my prostate. It feels too much, it is too overwhelming.”

“Oh,” Alex replied dumbly. His willed his fingers to follow Laf’s gentle motions.

“See, just lightly brush it while you prepare me.” Alex improved at mimicking Laf’s motions, brushing over Laf’s prostate carefully, treating it like a delicate treasure until Laf was nearly purring in satisfaction. Laf took the liberty of slipping in a second finger beside Alex’s, his long, thick digits dwarfing Alex’s slimmer ones.

He groaned and rolled his hips against the bed as he and Alex stretched his walls together. “That feels so much better, mon chou,” Laf sighed, delighting in the simple and thorough prep. “I am ready,” he said, sounding sure.

“Are you positive? We don’t have to go farther. I can just get you off like this if you want, or I can ride you instead. Or we can do this longer until you’re completely ready,” Alex rambled nervously.

Laf chuckled at Alex’s concern before softening. “I promise I will tell you if it hurts too much, but I am positive that I am ready.”

“Okay good,” Alex replied, smoothly pulling his fingers out before Laf pulled his own out.

With the fluidity that comes from experience, Alex rolled over onto his back and Laf climbed on top of him. Laf pulled the band out of Alex’s hair and let his inky locks flow across the sheets. “Beautiful,” he murmured, sealing Alex’s lips in a kiss. He lined himself up with Alex’s cock and slowly sank down until his hips were flush against Alex’s.

“Christ, Laf, you’re so fucking tight,” he moaned, using every ounce of concentration on not bucking up into Laf.

“Fuck,” Laf whimpered softly. He leaned his head back and took deep breaths, focusing on relaxing his muscles and easing onto the intrusion.

Alex stroked a reverent hand along Laf’s abdomen. “Laf, baby, you’re so perfect, taking me like that, so perfect, so beautiful.” He went silent when Laf began to inch back up.

“No, keep talking to me,” Laf requested, slowly sinking back down.

“Okay, um,” Alex stuttered, waiting for the words to describe how utterly perfect Laf was to enter his mind. “You’re so beautiful, riding me like this, god I could come right this minute if I didn’t want to last for you. You did so well for me, telling me what you needed, how you wanted me. God, I love you so much, you’re so perfect for me. Your beautiful smile, those gorgeous eyes.”

The corner of Laf’s eyes crinkled in happiness, and he leaned down over Alex’s body to catch him in a kiss. Laf leaned back only slightly. “God, I love you, my Alexander, I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Alex whispered devoutly. The words were fragile coming out of Alex’s mouth, as if he said them any louder, they would shatter. “I love you so fucking much.”

Laf began to shower kisses over Alex’s brow. “You fill me so well, mon chou, I feel so complete, so whole when we come together like this, when you hold me in your arms and look at me like I am your world.”

“You are my world,” Alex replied solemnly. “You’re everything.”

Alex groaned as Laf shuddered above him, keeping his slow and steady pace, going for intimacy over pleasure, letting it build within them and bubble at the surface rather than chasing a high over the edge. Alex sat up suddenly, readjusting their position and angle. He leaned his head into Laf’s neck, basking in the closeness, mouthing over his pulsepoint, wrapped one arm tightly around Laf’s waist and snaked the other arm down between their bodies to grab Laf’s cock.

“God, Alex, my sweet, beautiful, wonderful Alexander,” Laf murmured in his ear. He ran a hand through Alex’s hair and brought the other down to join Alex’s hand on his cock, wrapping his hand around Alex’s and stroking their hands up and down his length together.

Alex quivered breathlessly as Laf continued to ride him. “You are my everything, you’re mine, all mine.” To let actions prove where words could not, Alex sucked a deep mark into Laf’s neck.

“I am close, I am so close,” Laf moaned, speeding up their hands on his cock. Alex scraped his nails along Laf’s back, at a loss for words.

“Come,” he bit out.

Laf felt the orgasm bubble past the surface, vibrating between them and making his vision go white. He splattered across Alex’s chest, and his clenching hole helped Alex along right behind him, trembling as he came into Laf. They met in a tender kiss, panting from the stimulation, coming down from their highs.

Laf let Alex’s cock slip out of him as he gently lowered them back to the mattress, gently cradling Alex’s body to his own, nuzzling their faces together, keeping every possible inch of skin touching.

“I love you, Alex, more than words could ever say,” Laf vowed.

“I know,” Alex replied. “Even when you can’t tell me, I know. And you’re mine, you’re my everything, I love you too, so much I can’t stand it.”

“I know,” Laf said, hugging Alex as tightly as possible.

They fell asleep together, ignoring the mess between themselves, opting for closeness instead.

***

Alex suggested that they spend the night in, but Laf insisted they go into town to a local restaurant. Alex couldn’t help but snicker at Laf’s slight limp, knowing that the first time bottoming after a while could leave a lasting ache.

They finished their fish and chips at the little hole in the wall restaurant on the beach and decided to walk along the water, leaving their shoes and belongings in the car with their chauffeur. Laf grabbed Alex’s hand and began to walk with him along the edge of the water.

“You asked me to marry you,” Laf stated, interrupting their quiet companionship. Alex stopped dead in his tracks, dropping Laf’s hand.

“Uh, yes?” Alex answered, not entirely sure where the conversation was headed.

“You asked me to marry you,” Laf restated. “Did you mean it?”

“Um, yes? Kind of,” Alex gave a non-answer.

“How do you mean?” Laf asked, shifting his weight from side-to-side, avoiding Alex’s gaze.

“I mean, I would say yes today. If you said ‘let's get married tomorrow,’ I would agree in a heartbeat, without a moment of hesitation. But I also asked during a time when you were emotionally vulnerable and I was making stupid decisions. Is the timing horrible and stupid? Probably. Do I want to marry you any less? No. When I said you're it for me, I meant it.” Alex nervously scratched the back of his head. “So, uh, I guess the ball is really in your court here.”

“Um, I think we are both in agreement that the timing is bad, yes?” Laf asked.

“Yeah,” Alex replied, sighing in relief.

“So we wait,” Laf proposed.

“Yeah, we wait,” Alex agreed. He grabbed Laf’s hand and continued their walk down the beach.

“Just so you know, when you ask again, and the timing is right, I will say yes,” Laf told him.

Alex smiled. “I'll keep that in mind.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @freakingwriter2013, come say hi!


	7. But Baby I Just Need One Good One To Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue at the end of this chapter comes from the wonderful [@one_golden_sun](http://archiveofourown.org/users/one_golden_sun/pseuds/one_golden_sun)'s fic [The Most Magical Place on Earth](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7324498/chapters/17478340). I hope y'all enjoy!

_May 2010, Alex’s graduation_

“Mon chou, I am so proud of you!” Laf exclaimed, wrapping Alex in a bear hug.

“Thank you!” Alex replied genuinely, throwing his arms around Laf. They giggled in delight as they saw one of Alex’s classmates propose to his girlfriend, both still in their caps and gowns.

Laf looked down at Alex to see him gazing back up at him. “It is not time yet, right?” Laf asked.

“Oh, god no,” Alex said quickly. “Not at all.”

***

_May 2011, Laf’s graduation_

“YOU DID IT!” Alex shouted, jumping into Laf’s grasp and hoping to whatever god there was that Laf caught him. Luckily, he did.

“It is quite honestly a miracle,” Laf chuckled.

Alex plucked Laf’s cap off his head and stuck it on his own, letting Laf’s curls spring out. “It’s not time yet, right?” Alex asked, catching the view of another graduation-day proposal.

“Erm, no,” Laf replied. “I do not think so.”

***

_November 2011, Thanksgiving_

“God, remember that time we had Thanksgiving on my dorm room floor?” Alex laughed, the wine in his system making everything seem funnier than it actually was.

“How could I forget!” Laf exclaimed, giggling into Alex’s neck where he was busy leaving love bites.

“It has been what? Four years?” Alex asked, struggling to do the mental gymnastics.

“Six? No, five! Four, maybe? It does not matter,” Laf declared. “Oh, is the timing right?”

“We should discuss that when we’re not drunk,” Alex suggested.

“Oh, right,” Laf giggled, happy to continue his assault on Alex’s neck instead.

By morning, they forgot about it entirely.

***

_March 2012, a vacation_

“The timing could not be more right, but I feel like it is wrong for some reason,” Laf sighed.

They were standing in a chapel in Vegas on impulse. “We’ve been dating for what? Four years plus some? We couldn’t possibly fuck this up now,” Alex said, mumbling while looking at the wedding packages.

“You are right, but this feels wrong.”

_The Trust Package: Prove to them that when you say ‘forever’ you mean it,_ the brochure read.

Alex squinted at the brochure. “You know what? You’re right. This is stupid.”

“Can we still partake in honeymoon activities?” Laf wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

“Why, of course, my dear, almost-husband. Lead the way!”

Alex grabbed Laf’s hand and they walked out of the wedding chapel, thankfully unmarried.

***

_May 2012, Alex’s graduate school graduation_

Laf was beaming from ear to ear, touched by Alex’s speech at his graduation. He thrust a bouquet out in Alex’s direction, and Alex eagerly grabbed a hold of it, using his weight to pull Laf to him.

“I’m finally finished!” Alex exclaimed, taking out his excitement in a searing kiss. “Before you ask, not time yet,” he mumbled against Laf’s lips.

“I did not think it was.”

***

_March 2013, remembering the year before_

“Oh god,” Alex groaned. “Remember last year when we almost got married?”

Laf snorted. “That would have been a huge mistake.”

“You think so?” Alex asked.

“Of course,” Laf replied easily. “March weddings are terrible.”

Alex laughed. “No, I mean would we have worked?”

“Probably,” Laf surmised. “Why? Are you thinking the timing is finally right?”

“I don’t know,” Alex replied. They went back to their activities, Laf watching HGTV while Alex laid his head on his stomach, reading from his Kindle.

A week later, Alex met John Laurens.

***

_April 2015, an evening_

“Do you think it is time?” Laf asked, standing in the kitchen, tasting Alex’s dinner.

“I dunno, maybe,” Alex said. “We’d have to talk to John about it too.”

“Well, of course,” Laf replied. “I do plan on keeping him.”

“He is the best thing that ever happened to us,” Alex agreed contently.

“Right, you are, mon chou. But it is probably too soon to discuss it with him, I am thinking,” Laf replied.

“Yeah, probably.” Alex said, continuing to stir their dinner while John showered.

***

_November 2016, at Disney_

“It might not be as mind blowing as the light show, but it will still be pretty neat. And besides, if I’m with you, John Laurens, it’s special,” Alex marvelled. He felt full. Fuller than he ever thought possible. When it was just himself and Laf, he thought everything was complete, that he had found his place, but a one John Laurens came into his life and changed everything.

He felt John’s full weight slam into his back, wrapping his arms around him in a bear hug. “What’s that for? I didn’t do anything spectacular, just asked the cast member where to go see holiday decorations!” Alex exclaimed. God, John and Laf had orchestrated this entire trip for him, asking a cast member for directions was nothing.

He felt John huff into his ear. “What is it baby?” Alex asked, concerned at John’s silence. Alex squirmed in John’s hold until they were facing each other.

“Look, honey,” John replied staring into his eyes. “You know I’m not the best with words, especially with my feelings, but what you told us today? About maybe becoming exclusive? That really hit me hard.” John bit his lip nervously.

Alex nodded widely, trying to reassure John. “Yeah? I meant it.”

“I know you did. And this trip has me thinking about, I mean, and I wanted to talk to you about this as the Osborne Family Lights, but I mean, this is romantic as anything else.” John looked around the gazebo covered in lights.. “What do you think, I mean would you, oh, and Laf! Of course, like,” he started.

Alex would have chuckled if he didn’t think it would set John off. He cocked his head to the side and pulled John closer. “Dearest, what is it?”

“Could we maybe? You know, just talk about it first, but like, what if we, the three of us, if we considered the possibility, of getting… uh, married? Maybe?” John stuttered.

_God, he’s beautiful,_ Alex thought. _Perfect, precious, everything he ever needed._

He lunged at John, kissing him softly. “Has anyone ever told you that you are quite possibly the most adorable thing ever? Especially when you’re nervous?” He brushed John’s cheek, and John nuzzled into his hand, breathily giggling at Alex’s admiration. “Look, my love. I care about you so much, I feel like there aren’t really words to express it accurately. And making things permanent between the three of us is something I am interested in exploring. But I do think this is something all three of us need to talk about.”

Alex couldn’t wait to bring it up with Laf. It seemed like all of those years of waiting, being uncertain, of avoiding the permanent commitment led them here. To this perfect moment. To John. He couldn’t be more thrilled. _It was time_.

***

_November 2016, the next day_

It was later in the morning, they had taken the day to chill out. John was sitting across the bed, marking what was left to do at Disney before they left.

“Mon cher?” Laf asked, diverting his attention away from the TV to John.

“Mmm?” John responded, maintaining his view of the map.

“Come here, my love. Do you even need that map? Do you not have it memorized? Come sit with me, so we can talk,” Laf said with an urgency that let John know he needed to get up.

John went to crawl into Laf’s lap, but Laf stopped him. “I am thinking this talk is best had, not touching?”

Laf noticed John’s mood plummet. “Why so nervous?” he finally asked, a smile livening his features, softening John’s anxiety.  
“You’re looking at me all funny,” John murmured. “And you didn’t want me to touch you.” John’s fight or flight instincts were on overdrive, scrutinizing Laf’s every move.

“Oh you silly thing. Stop fretting. I didn’t want to touch right now because it would be distracting. I needed to look at you, your skin tone. Trying to figure out what shade of gold would look best on you. Rose? Yellow? White? Or should we do platinum?” He smiled a charming gaze, hiding what was really eating at him inside.

“Are you... What?” John asked.

Laf’s mind was moving a million miles a minute. Was he moving too fast? Did John just ask Alex out of impulse but not really mean it?

“Do you expect me to pick you out a ring without considering what would compliment your complexion? If you didn’t think of that, I should worry about how well you know me. You think I would just put any piece of jewelry on either of my beautiful boys, then you are crazier than I thought.”

_Oh god,_ Laf thought. What if John wanted Alex but not him? What if Laf was just the pretty toy for John while Alex was what he really wanted?

“Darling, don’t tease me, I’m begging you, are we actually talking about!?” John asked desperately.

Laf’s heart soared. John wanted him, not just Alex. “Putting a ring on it? Yes, John Laurens, I am most seriously discussing it. Is that not why you talked to Alexander about it last night?”

“I did. I want to, talk about it.”

“So let’s talk about it. What is it you desire, my love?” Laf would give him anything, everything. He would hand John and Alex the world if they asked.

“You. Alex. This. This to never end. But I mean, this isn’t how, I just wanted to feel you guys out before I started, you know. Planning something. For the next steps,” John suggested.

“May I speak plainly, mon cher?” Laf asked, waiting for John’s approval. “I simply adore both of you. I hope you know this. Between you and Alexander, my heart is always full. I am happy to leave things as is, we talk about becoming exclusive just the other day. But I am thrilled to even consider,” he trailed off.

Laf could feel tears pricking the corners of his eyes. This wrenched up his insecurities, the ones that were buried so deep from years and years of Alex and John’s reassurances. He sucked in a sharp breath. “Ah, sorry. I am truly thrilled that you, and Alex, might consider, uh, formalizing our union? And I want to tell you that any way you want it John, I am open. We could go to the courthouse today, or elope next week, or plan a big extravagant thing, or any combination and I will be happy because I will have both of you. Forever.”

His face had fallen. How could Laf, the most perfect human he had ever met, ever doubt his love for him. For _him_ , not his appearances. “Can I touch you now?” John asked.

“Please.”

John crawled into his lap, and began to comfort him. “There, there, darling, you alright?”

Laf smiled. “Of course I am alright. Just a little emotional. It never ceases to amaze me how I got so lucky to find two amazing men to love me. When I was younger, love was not something I had in much abundance. Before Alex, I sometimes wondered, well, it’s not important why. But I worried that I might never find real love. And look at me now, with two, both so equally precious.” He felt so lucky, so blessed to have found not one but two men that loved him so wholly.

John nuzzled into his neck, leaving soft kisses. “Just checking, you’ve looked at yourself in the mirror right? Worried about finding one, now you have two. Dear, you could have a whole harem if you wished.”

Lafayette laughed, nuzzled John back. “Of course. But I don’t wish. I want the both of you, who love me for more than my looks. You and Alex, you see me.”

Laf felt comfortable, expressing his insecurities in front of John, letting him in. Letting John know that he was a little scared of people seeing him, the beautiful exterior, but not hearing him, not knowing his mind and heart. He thought back over everything that had ever happened. Nate. His boyfriend before Alex. The people he hooked up with. The trip to Paris. Every time he felt like people only cared about his appearance, never about _him_.

He wanted to keep them, John and Alex. Hold them close and make sure they never felt the insecurities he ever felt. He wanted them to bear the tokens of his love, a permanent reminder that he would be anything they ever needed.

Laf caught Alex’s gaze where he was coming out of the bathroom. “Room for me?” Alex asked, wanting to join John and Laf’s cuddle pile.

“Always,” said Laf while John said “Of course.”

Laf pulled Alex into their circle. He knew it was time, that John filled in every gap that had ever kept them from getting married. He loved them both so much he almost felt an ache in his chest. If he ever lost them, he would be devastated. They were perfect, bearing every one of his insecurities like it was the grand prize, not a burden or debt. He was ready to be married. It was time. He was sure of it. He couldn’t wait to tell Alex. _They were going to get married._

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me! That's a wrap! More to come down the line!

**Author's Note:**

> Send me questions, comments, etc. @writerfreak2013! Here or on Tumblr


End file.
